I think love is afoot in the city! I just received my second letter asking for advice. I don't believe it's coincidence that a foreign exchange student has written me. I need to get these lovebirds together.
Dear Mary Jo,
you don't matter if I call you with your first name I hope. I can't say my name, but that's ok, isn't it? I am not from America, I'm only here as an exchange student. I can't tell you where I come from, because I don't want the other kids of my class to know that it's me.
I have a boy in my class who is really cute with very blue eyes and big muscles. He even has hairs on his arms! He's also very clever and knows all the answers in our history class. Many girls of my class like him and want to be his girlfriends, but I don't think he dates any of them. He seems very unapproachable (and I hope that this is a real word!). I'm a little bit shy, so I could never just go and talk to him and ask him if he would like to go to the cinema with me or so. I have to go back to my country again soon. If I don't talk to him before, I'd be very unhappy and mad at me. But what if I do and then I find out he doesn't want to go out with me? What can I do? Thank you for your help and please excuse my bad English.
Your Unhappy in XXX
Dear Unhappy in XXX,
First of all, your English is quite good and you should feel proud of how American you sound. In fact, a lot of Americans are not as good at grammar as you are. So wrap an American flag around you and sing the national anthem - it would be very appropriate right after Independence Day.
You need to overcome your shyness and approach this boy. Blue eyes and muscles? What are you waiting for? He sounds perfectly dreamy and I have it on good authority that he does like you too. (Hint: Read the letter below!)
Besides, you need to practice your English and he could help you. And you could teach him a foreign accent. Aren't foreign accents sexy? Maybe you could introduce me to a boy from your country? Rodney doesn't have an accent and it makes me a little sad.
American boys are a lot like couches. You have to sit on a few to find one that's comfortable but once you do, you will never want to get off. Grab your couch and sit on it!
Sincerely,
Mary Jo
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
My First Letter!
Here we go ladies and gentlemen - my first advice letter:
Dear Alderman's Intern,
First, let me say I think you're so cool, the way you have all these experiences and are involved in politics and all. I wish I had the time, but between school and hanging out and playing video games, well, you know how it is. I need the advice of a worldly woman like you! I really like this girl, but she's an exchange student, and I know she'll soon be going back to her home country (I don't want to say what it is, because then the other kids might know who I was talking about and that it was me writing and all), and I really want to be her boyfriend, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I think she likes me because one of her friends told one of my friends that she does. I'm really confused. Can you tell me what I should do? I don't want to get all involved and then she just leaves, you know?
Anxious in Evanston
Dear Anxious in Evanston,
Thank you for your compliments. I gave up video games for politics last year and I will be forever grateful for that decision. You might want to think about that.
As for the foreign girl, I think if one of her friends told you she likes you than you can count on that as a solid source. I would take that as a positive that you should move forward and ask her to be your girlfriend. You would really want to do this before she goes back to her other country because there might be boys there that like her too. And you want to be sure that you lock her in a relationship with you before she goes home and gets to listen to all of those sexy accents. I just love a boy with an accent. I wish Rodney had an accent but he really doesn't. Sometimes he tells me he's talking "ghetto" but it really doesn't change the sound of his voice. And Joe has only Chicago accent and I don't really find his voice sexy at all. I mean, I let him kiss me to just shut him up.
But back to you. I can see where you are worried that you might get your heart broken but I think if you make her commit to you before she leaves then everything should be fine. Either you can move there when you are done with high school or she could move her when she is done. Either way I believe true love conquers all. I say go for it!
Sincerely,
Mary Jo
Dear Alderman's Intern,
First, let me say I think you're so cool, the way you have all these experiences and are involved in politics and all. I wish I had the time, but between school and hanging out and playing video games, well, you know how it is. I need the advice of a worldly woman like you! I really like this girl, but she's an exchange student, and I know she'll soon be going back to her home country (I don't want to say what it is, because then the other kids might know who I was talking about and that it was me writing and all), and I really want to be her boyfriend, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I think she likes me because one of her friends told one of my friends that she does. I'm really confused. Can you tell me what I should do? I don't want to get all involved and then she just leaves, you know?
Anxious in Evanston
Dear Anxious in Evanston,
Thank you for your compliments. I gave up video games for politics last year and I will be forever grateful for that decision. You might want to think about that.
As for the foreign girl, I think if one of her friends told you she likes you than you can count on that as a solid source. I would take that as a positive that you should move forward and ask her to be your girlfriend. You would really want to do this before she goes back to her other country because there might be boys there that like her too. And you want to be sure that you lock her in a relationship with you before she goes home and gets to listen to all of those sexy accents. I just love a boy with an accent. I wish Rodney had an accent but he really doesn't. Sometimes he tells me he's talking "ghetto" but it really doesn't change the sound of his voice. And Joe has only Chicago accent and I don't really find his voice sexy at all. I mean, I let him kiss me to just shut him up.
But back to you. I can see where you are worried that you might get your heart broken but I think if you make her commit to you before she leaves then everything should be fine. Either you can move there when you are done with high school or she could move her when she is done. Either way I believe true love conquers all. I say go for it!
Sincerely,
Mary Jo
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Exciting New Service!
I've been pretty lazy about politics lately. I guess I just got bored after I finally kissed Joe and it was totally gross. I decided recently that since I am now a woman and have wordly experience that I would like to become an advice columnist. You can now write me your questions about life and I will post a response here so that everyone can learn together.
Now write me a question!
maryjo.beaver@gmail.com
Now write me a question!
maryjo.beaver@gmail.com
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Join the FUN This Saturday.
Join the Fun This Saturday!
Dear Neighbor,
NASA predicts a perfect fall day this Saturday--sunny with temperatures in the low 60s and no rockets or satellites will fall from the skies. What a great day to join in for the annual 49th Ward Fall Drug Bust and not get hit with falling metal!
We'll be meeting at my office this Saturday, October th, at :00 m. for coffee, juice and rolls, and then we'll hit the streets and alleys to clean and brighten our neighborhood of crack dealers. I'll provide the fake badges, shoes, brutes and a good laugh.
Come with a group or come alone. Pick your favorite spot to clean or get an assignment. It's a great day for me to "help" my neighbors (These things make Him look good. Ooh, and you get to read His press release and He has a reason to send out an email. And then the orange flyers are hanging everywhere. I even saw one taped to a man sleeping in a the alley.) and plain old-fashioned fun!
Afterwards, join me back at my office for a "Taste of the 49th Ward" lunch, and sample some of the best food our 49th Ward restaurants have to offer!
I hope to see you Saturday!
Sincerely,
Joe More
Dear Neighbor,
NASA predicts a perfect fall day this Saturday--sunny with temperatures in the low 60s and no rockets or satellites will fall from the skies. What a great day to join in for the annual 49th Ward Fall Drug Bust and not get hit with falling metal!
We'll be meeting at my office this Saturday, October th, at :00 m. for coffee, juice and rolls, and then we'll hit the streets and alleys to clean and brighten our neighborhood of crack dealers. I'll provide the fake badges, shoes, brutes and a good laugh.
Come with a group or come alone. Pick your favorite spot to clean or get an assignment. It's a great day for me to "help" my neighbors (These things make Him look good. Ooh, and you get to read His press release and He has a reason to send out an email. And then the orange flyers are hanging everywhere. I even saw one taped to a man sleeping in a the alley.) and plain old-fashioned fun!
Afterwards, join me back at my office for a "Taste of the 49th Ward" lunch, and sample some of the best food our 49th Ward restaurants have to offer!
I hope to see you Saturday!
Sincerely,
Joe More
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Please help with the Green Berets
Join the 49th Ward Green Berets
Dear Neighbor,
If you want to make a local impact on global warning, now is your chance. We are forming a 49th Ward Green Berets sqadron of trained volunteers who will work with local experts to improve the quality of life in the 49th Ward through protecting American projects that protect our water, clean our air, restore our land and save energy and fight terrorism in Rogers Park. That's right, we protect the protectors.
Are you ready to make the committment?
Our first training opportunity begins in September. Squadron members will participate in the City of Chicago Green Beret (GB) training and then form locally to put their new skills to work in a menacing way. Intimidation works. Studies prove it.
Orientation is required in order to participate in the full training curriculum which runs for 35 weeks on Saturdays from 9:30am to 10:00pm at the Illinois Institute of Trained Military Fighting. The 35 three-hour courses will cover land, air, energy, water raids, community destruction and covert skill development.
There is a fee of $3.750M for course materials, but full and partial scholarships are readily available from NASA.
Are you ready to learn more?
We know this is a big commitment, but this is also a big crisis and we need lots of local leaders working together if we are to going to make the significant change we want to see.
And I can't personally pay for this program so I have to ask you to pay for yourself. Remember, that's what a real volunteer does.
Sincerely,
Joe More
--I think I'm going to volunteer for Joe again. I mean he won and I still need those community service hours to graduate. Thank God and Government that School is teaching me about volunteering. It's quite apparent that most kids would never learn of such things without School. I'm excited about Sex Ed this year. Rodney actually touched my breast. Not under my shirt, but on top. Whew. I finally got that out of the way.
But that's besides the point. I am going to be Joe's intern for the fall. School will credit me. I'm going to repost Joe's community service announcements. I wish he'd let me proof them. He has typos. I tried to correct them all. --
Dear Neighbor,
If you want to make a local impact on global warning, now is your chance. We are forming a 49th Ward Green Berets sqadron of trained volunteers who will work with local experts to improve the quality of life in the 49th Ward through protecting American projects that protect our water, clean our air, restore our land and save energy and fight terrorism in Rogers Park. That's right, we protect the protectors.
Are you ready to make the committment?
Our first training opportunity begins in September. Squadron members will participate in the City of Chicago Green Beret (GB) training and then form locally to put their new skills to work in a menacing way. Intimidation works. Studies prove it.
Orientation is required in order to participate in the full training curriculum which runs for 35 weeks on Saturdays from 9:30am to 10:00pm at the Illinois Institute of Trained Military Fighting. The 35 three-hour courses will cover land, air, energy, water raids, community destruction and covert skill development.
There is a fee of $3.750M for course materials, but full and partial scholarships are readily available from NASA.
Are you ready to learn more?
We know this is a big commitment, but this is also a big crisis and we need lots of local leaders working together if we are to going to make the significant change we want to see.
And I can't personally pay for this program so I have to ask you to pay for yourself. Remember, that's what a real volunteer does.
Sincerely,
Joe More
--I think I'm going to volunteer for Joe again. I mean he won and I still need those community service hours to graduate. Thank God and Government that School is teaching me about volunteering. It's quite apparent that most kids would never learn of such things without School. I'm excited about Sex Ed this year. Rodney actually touched my breast. Not under my shirt, but on top. Whew. I finally got that out of the way.
But that's besides the point. I am going to be Joe's intern for the fall. School will credit me. I'm going to repost Joe's community service announcements. I wish he'd let me proof them. He has typos. I tried to correct them all. --
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
And in Conclusion...
Gordon says that some of his advisers recommended that he stop handing out bananas after they heard complaints from residents. "I said, 'I'm not going to let Moore spin this against us,'" says Gordon. "We did this with the best intentions. I love bananas--they're full of potassium. They taste delicious and they're good for you. I've been eating bananas all of my life. Bananas are yellow and that's the color of our campaign. So I'm sticking with this." (clout city blog, april 2)
It's a nice quote, don't you think? He ties it all up with the color of his campaign. Yellow journalism, yellow-belly cowards, yellow jaundice, yellow snow, yellow jackets, yellow brick road, yellow fever, yellow submarine, yellow bile, yellow no. 5 and the all time classic - old yeller.
It's been a long campaign for everyone in Rogers Park. Especially for Joe. He's had to finally get up off His butt and listen to people. The race is close and I can only hope that once the dust settles today that a positive forward motion has been created. It's too bad that all the bloggers will have to find another dead body to create their feeding frenzy. They could focus on Skeletor's cadaver. He's full of potassium!
I started this blog with tongue-in-cheek and the intention that we all needed some laughter. Watching a blogosphere that believes that it is the only place where real social discourse takes place, but that's simply not true. We speak in our livingrooms and the local bars, on the buses and trains, on the street, in hushed voices and sometimes loud and screaming. We live with an outdated system that breeds corruption and rewards the person who can be heard the loudest. This election was not about issues and concerns. It was not about who is best qualified. It was not about a just and fair world. It was about Chicago politics as usual.
For all of those who blogged, claiming fair journalism, honest journalism and an independent voice - shame, shame, shame on you for mixing in the absurd, abusive and vile overtones that almost always accompanied your writings. Entries that could have been insightful and helpful if not so skewed with arbitrary hate. In this blog you know you're getting satire. Straight from the hip satire. No pretense that this is a blog on truth. No pretense that I am a journalist. Simple thoughts from a simple girl.
As of 9am, Wednesday, April 18.
Alderman 49th Ward 41 of 42 precincts counted 97.62%
Joe Moore 3,862 50.91%
Don Gordon 3,724 49.09%
Total 7,586
www.chicagoelections.com
It's a nice quote, don't you think? He ties it all up with the color of his campaign. Yellow journalism, yellow-belly cowards, yellow jaundice, yellow snow, yellow jackets, yellow brick road, yellow fever, yellow submarine, yellow bile, yellow no. 5 and the all time classic - old yeller.
It's been a long campaign for everyone in Rogers Park. Especially for Joe. He's had to finally get up off His butt and listen to people. The race is close and I can only hope that once the dust settles today that a positive forward motion has been created. It's too bad that all the bloggers will have to find another dead body to create their feeding frenzy. They could focus on Skeletor's cadaver. He's full of potassium!
I started this blog with tongue-in-cheek and the intention that we all needed some laughter. Watching a blogosphere that believes that it is the only place where real social discourse takes place, but that's simply not true. We speak in our livingrooms and the local bars, on the buses and trains, on the street, in hushed voices and sometimes loud and screaming. We live with an outdated system that breeds corruption and rewards the person who can be heard the loudest. This election was not about issues and concerns. It was not about who is best qualified. It was not about a just and fair world. It was about Chicago politics as usual.
For all of those who blogged, claiming fair journalism, honest journalism and an independent voice - shame, shame, shame on you for mixing in the absurd, abusive and vile overtones that almost always accompanied your writings. Entries that could have been insightful and helpful if not so skewed with arbitrary hate. In this blog you know you're getting satire. Straight from the hip satire. No pretense that this is a blog on truth. No pretense that I am a journalist. Simple thoughts from a simple girl.
As of 9am, Wednesday, April 18.
Alderman 49th Ward 41 of 42 precincts counted 97.62%
Joe Moore 3,862 50.91%
Don Gordon 3,724 49.09%
Total 7,586
www.chicagoelections.com
Monday, April 16, 2007
Difficult Burden of Citizenship
Democracy in Finland: The Intopii computer firm of Helsinki announced in February that it has installed software to assist voters, who, studies suggest, tend to select candidates who look like themselves. When a voter uploads his or her photo, the Web site will use facial-recognition software to find those among the 800 candidates in March parliamentary elections who most resemble that voter, to ease the difficult burden of citizenship in a democracy. [Reuters, 2-27-07]
Plans are already being made to implement the same software for Rogers Park voters who do not have the necessary intelligence to make an informed decision on their own. Even without the software, you can decide who to vote for based on this scientific approach. Do you look like Joe More or Skeletor? Vote!
Plans are already being made to implement the same software for Rogers Park voters who do not have the necessary intelligence to make an informed decision on their own. Even without the software, you can decide who to vote for based on this scientific approach. Do you look like Joe More or Skeletor? Vote!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Beware of Li Po Joe Syndrome
Death by Embracing the Reflection of the Moon
Chicago poet Li Po Joe is regarded as one of the two greatest poets in Rogers Park’s literary history. He was well known for his love of liquor and often spouted his greatest poems while drunk. One night, Li Po Joe fell from his boat and drowned in Michigan Lake while trying to embrace the reflection of the moon in the water.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Pro-Alcoholism Video Release from Skeletor
Well, I think Skeletor is losing it. He's really just gone over the edge to try and recruit the alcoholic voters in the neighborhood. They just released this pro-drinking video on youtube. Not only that, he's obviously trained his NASA monkey to drink alcohol. He is using him as the main character in this video. It's atrocious. It sends the message that you can drink all you want to because you need only wake up and start all over again.
If you ask me, this video has Mr. BH written all over it. I believe that he may have written the lyrics.
If you ask me, this video has Mr. BH written all over it. I believe that he may have written the lyrics.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Go Bananas for Skeletor?????!!!!!
Okay, I'm really getting angry at the whole Skeletor Campaign. I just found out that Skeletor is trying to steal Joe's idea and connections with NASA. I mean who does he think he is? Joe has had the in on NASA since day one and Skeletor can't do it.
However, Skeletor recently purchased (illegally!) a monkey to raise for a NASA flight. Gordonary people just can't run around buying illegal monkeys and giving them to NASA. NASA doesn't accept monkey donations.
Then Skeletor has been handing out bananas like they were $10 dollar bills. Joe hands out real $10 bills. Not rotten bananas. I've been seeing these bananas everywhere. And to hand them out to people who live in "The Jungle" of Rogers Park is just in poor taste. It's down right insulting to Rodney who says that black people don't like to be told that they live in the jungle. But Skeletor wants to keep the black people where they are. So that's why he gives them bananas.
As for the monkey. I'm going to start a petition so that we can get a referendum on the next ballot to stop animal abuse by politicians. And I just got off the phone with "Pete" from NASA and he has promised me that they will not accept Skeletor's monkey. And he's going to call the animal control center and see if he can have Skeletor arrested for monkey fraud.
If you'd like to make a donation to save the monkey, send your money to me, Alderman's Intern, c/o Joe More at any one of His many orifices.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Joe Announces New Position for Joe - Town Crier!
Today Joe called a special meeting. I've been at the office since 6A.M.! I half enjoy His moments of intense brainstorming and I half hate Him for making us come in to work so early. Apparently Joe has been an ancient world kick - first with the movie 300 and then He watched Rome last night. Inspired by the communication style of these great civilizations, Joe has decided that He should be the Town Crier for Rogers Park. This position will most directly put Him in contact with the people. And it counteracts Skeletor's "beat alderman" approach.
He wants Rogers Park to see Him as the harbinger of good news, wealth and prosperity. By wearing a toga and mimicking the hand movements in the Honourable Art of the Town Crier, Joe will set a new example of how our government representative can inform His constituency.
Here is a little historical information on the position:
The first town criers were the Spartan Runners in the early Greek Empire and as the Roman Conquest spread through Europe the position increased in importance until it became a position of the Court.
The official job of Town Crier can be traced back as far as 1066, when news of Britain's first (and last) invasion by King William of Normandy was passed from town to town by individuals specifically employed to call out the King's proclamation. Town criers were protected by law. "Don't shoot the messenger" was a very real command; anything that was done to a town crier was deemed to be done to the King and was therefore a treasonable offense. This followed in the military tradition of the time, where musicians, who were educated and respected carriers of messages and "parlees" across the battlefield lines, were "of" the military not "part of" the military.
Joe feels that now He can say what He wants because no one will shoot the Messenger. It's as if He were the King of Rogers Park. Historically this is accurate and a great basis for Joe's decision.
Now to wait for the fabric shop to open so I can go make His toga. I wonder how many yards of material to get? Lots.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Boring.
I have to say that I find this whole run-off business to be boring. Joe isn't steamed up the way He was when we had all of those other candidates. And all I hear from Skeletor's camp is "anyone but Joe" which seems like a stupid basis for voting. And it doesn't ring very well as a slogan. There's no substance.
Even the other blogs are boring. The only story Mr. BH has written in the last couple of weeks that got any comments was about a cat he found "discarded" by someone. Big deal, there are tons of animals discarded every day by humans. And very few do anything about it. Joe stood up and fought agains the Foie Gras. So why do people want to belittle Joe for wanting to help ducks? I don't get it.
I can only hope as we near the 17th of April that this election gets a little more heated. I really enjoyed those passionate moments where Joe got excited and spoke to the audience.
Meanwhile, "Pete" flew in from NASA and we had dinner together with Joe. Joe took us to Wicker Park to eat so we wouldn't be seen eating meat in Rogers Park. Apparently everyone here thinks Joe is a vegan. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha...if only everyone knew how much Joe likes meat.
Off to church. Later I'm going to go to Lincoln Park Zoo with Rodney. He's been a bit standoffish to me lately. I hope he's not losing interest because I want to kiss again.
Even the other blogs are boring. The only story Mr. BH has written in the last couple of weeks that got any comments was about a cat he found "discarded" by someone. Big deal, there are tons of animals discarded every day by humans. And very few do anything about it. Joe stood up and fought agains the Foie Gras. So why do people want to belittle Joe for wanting to help ducks? I don't get it.
I can only hope as we near the 17th of April that this election gets a little more heated. I really enjoyed those passionate moments where Joe got excited and spoke to the audience.
Meanwhile, "Pete" flew in from NASA and we had dinner together with Joe. Joe took us to Wicker Park to eat so we wouldn't be seen eating meat in Rogers Park. Apparently everyone here thinks Joe is a vegan. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha...if only everyone knew how much Joe likes meat.
Off to church. Later I'm going to go to Lincoln Park Zoo with Rodney. He's been a bit standoffish to me lately. I hope he's not losing interest because I want to kiss again.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Special Envoy Intern!
Well, Joe really liked my save the world idea. He loves it so much that He appointed me Special Envoy Intern to NASA. This is a truly great honor. Now I'll get to hang out with "Pete" on a regular basis. Joe will never need worry about a Diaper again. I know He's going to need one for the run-off election day.
Joe's so confident of winning that He's had NASA schedule a special launch just for Him to celebrate His victory. As if having a flower named after you isn't honor enough. Regardless, here's the info:
April 25*¹ AIM
A NASA space mission designed to study the highest clouds in the earth's atmosphere -- clouds at the edge of space.
I think envisioning Joe as the highest cloud at the edge of Rogers Park space is so appropriate. Joe is going to pleased.
Joe's so confident of winning that He's had NASA schedule a special launch just for Him to celebrate His victory. As if having a flower named after you isn't honor enough. Regardless, here's the info:
April 25*¹ AIM
A NASA space mission designed to study the highest clouds in the earth's atmosphere -- clouds at the edge of space.
I think envisioning Joe as the highest cloud at the edge of Rogers Park space is so appropriate. Joe is going to pleased.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
How Joe's Going to Save the World!
Here's my brilliant plan for Joe. He's going to need some new material for the run-off - both in print and in person. I'm going to suggest that He find the $1 billion that NASA needs to kill all of the attacking asteroids. My God! Could He ask for a better fight? Joe can save the entire world. Not just Rogers Park. Not just Chicago. Not even just the United States...but The World. I know if He can fight against the Foie Gras, then He find the billion dollars. He'll be everyone's Hero.
I had this great idea when I read the article called NASA can't pay for killer asteroid hunt. I've included a snip below with a link to the entire story. Here's what I think. NASA really stepped in for Joe when He needed the Diapers. Now it's Joe's turn. He can help NASA and help save the world.
Joe's very good at finding money. Look at what He can raise for a simple little Aldermanic campaign. And He's good friends with Simon "Pete" Worden. I mean, how did you think He got those Diapers? Two of them. I just know He's going to love my idea! I can't wait to go in to the office tomorrow and share this with Him. And maybe Alex will listen too!
I bet I get a raise out of Joe with this plan!
"WASHINGTON - NASA officials say the space agency is capable of finding nearly all the asteroids that might pose a devastating hit to Earth, but there isn't enough money to pay for the task so it won't get done.
The cost to find at least 90 percent of the 20,000 potentially hazardous asteroids and comets by 2020 would be about $1 billion, according to a report NASA will release later this week. The report was previewed Monday at a Planetary Defense Conference in Washington.
Congress in 2005 asked NASA to come up with a plan to track most killer asteroids and propose how to deflect the potentially catastrophic ones.
"We know what to do, we just don't have the money," said Simon "Pete" Worden, director of NASA's Ames Research Center."
For complete story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070306/ap_on_sc/killer_asteroids
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Who's Buying Rogers Park?
Pritzker, James N.
Occupation: Prinicpal
Employer: Tawani Enterprises
63 W. Jackson
Ste 460
Chicago, IL 60604 $5,000.00
12/29/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens for Joe Moore
feerer, jane
7415 n. sheridan
chicago, IL 60626 $10,000.00
12/18/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens to Elect Don Gordon
http://www.pritzkermilitarylibrary.org/aboutus/boardofdirectors.jsp
It's all a matter of public record.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm so confused! Joe has had me researching Skeletor's contributors to see if there is anything there we can exploit. It's our job now to make Skeletor look as bad as possible. This is politics, people. However, as I was doing my research, I came across conflicting information.
The two people above both sit on the same board of directors, work for the same corporation and are connected to intense power and wealth. Why would they be interested in Rogers Park and why are they playing both sides of the game? If they work for the same company wouldn't they unite and push to have Joe win? Why give Skeletor more money than Joe? Joe's already in place and knows how the corruption works, so why try to elect Skeletor.
Do you think we're going to get a Hyatt Hotel in the 49th Ward? Would it be obligated to provide living wages? I guess having a Hyatt Hotel would be nice.
I wonder how many other two-sided, two-faced contributors there are? This is one of the more interesting aspects to politics that I had not thought about. Are there really people out there who have enough money to give to two different campaigns? The contributor list is long, so I have a lot more research in front of me. I haven't talked to Joe about this because I'm afraid He's going to be upset by the truth. It's never good to have a Politician upset with the truth.
And Skeletor should feel embarrassed to speak of not taking money from outside interests when he has in fact, already begun to sell himself.
Occupation: Prinicpal
Employer: Tawani Enterprises
63 W. Jackson
Ste 460
Chicago, IL 60604 $5,000.00
12/29/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens for Joe Moore
feerer, jane
7415 n. sheridan
chicago, IL 60626 $10,000.00
12/18/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens to Elect Don Gordon
http://www.pritzkermilitarylibrary.org/aboutus/boardofdirectors.jsp
It's all a matter of public record.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm so confused! Joe has had me researching Skeletor's contributors to see if there is anything there we can exploit. It's our job now to make Skeletor look as bad as possible. This is politics, people. However, as I was doing my research, I came across conflicting information.
The two people above both sit on the same board of directors, work for the same corporation and are connected to intense power and wealth. Why would they be interested in Rogers Park and why are they playing both sides of the game? If they work for the same company wouldn't they unite and push to have Joe win? Why give Skeletor more money than Joe? Joe's already in place and knows how the corruption works, so why try to elect Skeletor.
Do you think we're going to get a Hyatt Hotel in the 49th Ward? Would it be obligated to provide living wages? I guess having a Hyatt Hotel would be nice.
I wonder how many other two-sided, two-faced contributors there are? This is one of the more interesting aspects to politics that I had not thought about. Are there really people out there who have enough money to give to two different campaigns? The contributor list is long, so I have a lot more research in front of me. I haven't talked to Joe about this because I'm afraid He's going to be upset by the truth. It's never good to have a Politician upset with the truth.
And Skeletor should feel embarrassed to speak of not taking money from outside interests when he has in fact, already begun to sell himself.
Monday, March 5, 2007
If Not Us, Then Who?
Indeed. If not us, then who? This is the question Joe asked all of us today at our first real staff meeting since the election. We are now faced with beating Skeletor Gordon in the run-off. I think a little more background on Mr. Skeletor is needed.
"Skeletor is a non-fictional character in the toy, cartoon and comic book series Masters of the Rogers Park ("MOTRP"), where he is the arch-enemy of Joe More and the main antagonist of MOTRP. He is the greatest threat to present day 49th Ward. He seeks to conquer the alderman's office so he can learn all of the 49th Ward's ancient secrets which would make him unstoppable, and which would enable him to conquer and rule all of Chicago. In the minicomic and neighborhood series, Skeletor's origin is unknown, but is implied that he was once Kukla, the brother of the King of Being Randy, though in the Michael J. Harrington Productions series, he is directly portrayed as such.
Skeletor's portrayal in the neighborhood has been generally comical, as the election forced voters to use villains mainly for comic value to keep the election suitable for young children. While he had a genuinely sinister personality in the beginning, as the election progressed Skeletor has behaved more and more incompetent, often bordering on a pantomime villain."
Scary stuff indeed. If we are to believe these reports then Joe's question just begged to be asked. If not us, then who will protect us for the bungling evil of Skeletor? I'm with Joe on this one.
The evil we know versus the evil that awaits us.
"Skeletor is a non-fictional character in the toy, cartoon and comic book series Masters of the Rogers Park ("MOTRP"), where he is the arch-enemy of Joe More and the main antagonist of MOTRP. He is the greatest threat to present day 49th Ward. He seeks to conquer the alderman's office so he can learn all of the 49th Ward's ancient secrets which would make him unstoppable, and which would enable him to conquer and rule all of Chicago. In the minicomic and neighborhood series, Skeletor's origin is unknown, but is implied that he was once Kukla, the brother of the King of Being Randy, though in the Michael J. Harrington Productions series, he is directly portrayed as such.
Skeletor's portrayal in the neighborhood has been generally comical, as the election forced voters to use villains mainly for comic value to keep the election suitable for young children. While he had a genuinely sinister personality in the beginning, as the election progressed Skeletor has behaved more and more incompetent, often bordering on a pantomime villain."
Scary stuff indeed. If we are to believe these reports then Joe's question just begged to be asked. If not us, then who will protect us for the bungling evil of Skeletor? I'm with Joe on this one.
The evil we know versus the evil that awaits us.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Back to Normal?
Well, the pall of the Diaper rash has finally dissipated. I must say that it really put Joe in a gloomy mood to have the rash and have to go into a run off against Skeletor. It makes for hornery politics in the aldermans office. And a strange ointment scent in the air.
My Mom and Dad haven't agreed to whether I can continue as the aldermans intern. I'm upset but I don't feel like fighting with them about it. Joe wasn't very nice to me after all the trouble I went through to get the Diaper and Segway. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
I think that there will be a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks. I'll have to figure out another poll soon.
My Mom and Dad haven't agreed to whether I can continue as the aldermans intern. I'm upset but I don't feel like fighting with them about it. Joe wasn't very nice to me after all the trouble I went through to get the Diaper and Segway. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
I think that there will be a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks. I'll have to figure out another poll soon.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Mission Accomplished!
I don't mind admitting that when I woke up today I was filled with dread. I was prepared to find Him a Segway. That seemed easy. But getting the NASA diaper took some engineering on my part. Mostly Joe had to pull some strings, but we got not only one, but two. Joe wanted to try one out today.
I learned a lot though and I understand why Joe wanted one so badly. Here's a photo and a little information about Joe's trial run today. Joe always says a progressive leader is a prepared leader. I don't really know what He means, but it sounds good.
Joe drove the 2 sq miles miles from Howard to Devon and out to Western from Sheridan wearing a diaper, to avoid time-wasting rest stops, according to the election officials. The diaper caught the eye of many curious Rogers Parkers, but in the aerospace community, it’s not a new concept. Originally, during the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions in the 1960s and 1970s, astronauts wore urine and fecal containment bags. When astronauts walked on the moon there was a kind of spandex trunk but the fecal and urine collection devices fitted into the trunk … the spandex tights just held them into place. The Diaper is a comfortable undergarment that looked like a biker short, with a zipper on one side, and a softly padded rump and centerline with a leakproof outer layer.
This might also explain the shape of Joe's bottom.
However, the reason is eminently practical: “You can’t just drop your political pants and go any where in the Ward,” says Alex, a high ranking manager in the alderman's department at the Rogers Park Cosmosphere and Diaper Center. "Early on, when it was only men, they would have bags that they would keep inside their political pants." Then came the diapers.
I didn't realize that NASA had invaded the political sphere on such a local level. I have to confess that Joe did look smashing on his Segway and the confidence just oozed from Him. Of course, I didn't look at the Diaper when He was done. I did have time to make Him a sandwich board to wear tomorrow. I think it will be helplful. It says "Vote for Me!"
I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow!
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