Go Bananas for Skeletor?????!!!!!

Okay, I'm really getting angry at the whole Skeletor Campaign. I just found out that Skeletor is trying to steal Joe's idea and connections with NASA. I mean who does he think he is? Joe has had the in on NASA since day one and Skeletor can't do it.

However, Skeletor recently purchased (illegally!) a monkey to raise for a NASA flight. Gordonary people just can't run around buying illegal monkeys and giving them to NASA. NASA doesn't accept monkey donations.

Then Skeletor has been handing out bananas like they were $10 dollar bills. Joe hands out real $10 bills. Not rotten bananas. I've been seeing these bananas everywhere. And to hand them out to people who live in "The Jungle" of Rogers Park is just in poor taste. It's down right insulting to Rodney who says that black people don't like to be told that they live in the jungle. But Skeletor wants to keep the black people where they are. So that's why he gives them bananas.

As for the monkey. I'm going to start a petition so that we can get a referendum on the next ballot to stop animal abuse by politicians. And I just got off the phone with "Pete" from NASA and he has promised me that they will not accept Skeletor's monkey. And he's going to call the animal control center and see if he can have Skeletor arrested for monkey fraud.

If you'd like to make a donation to save the monkey, send your money to me, Alderman's Intern, c/o Joe More at any one of His many orifices.

Joe Announces New Position for Joe - Town Crier!

Today Joe called a special meeting. I've been at the office since 6A.M.! I half enjoy His moments of intense brainstorming and I half hate Him for making us come in to work so early. Apparently Joe has been an ancient world kick - first with the movie 300 and then He watched Rome last night. Inspired by the communication style of these great civilizations, Joe has decided that He should be the Town Crier for Rogers Park. This position will most directly put Him in contact with the people. And it counteracts Skeletor's "beat alderman" approach.

He wants Rogers Park to see Him as the harbinger of good news, wealth and prosperity. By wearing a toga and mimicking the hand movements in the Honourable Art of the Town Crier, Joe will set a new example of how our government representative can inform His constituency.

Here is a little historical information on the position:

The first town criers were the Spartan Runners in the early Greek Empire and as the Roman Conquest spread through Europe the position increased in importance until it became a position of the Court.

The official job of Town Crier can be traced back as far as 1066, when news of Britain's first (and last) invasion by King William of Normandy was passed from town to town by individuals specifically employed to call out the King's proclamation. Town criers were protected by law. "Don't shoot the messenger" was a very real command; anything that was done to a town crier was deemed to be done to the King and was therefore a treasonable offense. This followed in the military tradition of the time, where musicians, who were educated and respected carriers of messages and "parlees" across the battlefield lines, were "of" the military not "part of" the military.

Joe feels that now He can say what He wants because no one will shoot the Messenger. It's as if He were the King of Rogers Park. Historically this is accurate and a great basis for Joe's decision.

Now to wait for the fabric shop to open so I can go make His toga. I wonder how many yards of material to get? Lots.

Boring.

I have to say that I find this whole run-off business to be boring. Joe isn't steamed up the way He was when we had all of those other candidates. And all I hear from Skeletor's camp is "anyone but Joe" which seems like a stupid basis for voting. And it doesn't ring very well as a slogan. There's no substance.

Even the other blogs are boring. The only story Mr. BH has written in the last couple of weeks that got any comments was about a cat he found "discarded" by someone. Big deal, there are tons of animals discarded every day by humans. And very few do anything about it. Joe stood up and fought agains the Foie Gras. So why do people want to belittle Joe for wanting to help ducks? I don't get it.

I can only hope as we near the 17th of April that this election gets a little more heated. I really enjoyed those passionate moments where Joe got excited and spoke to the audience.

Meanwhile, "Pete" flew in from NASA and we had dinner together with Joe. Joe took us to Wicker Park to eat so we wouldn't be seen eating meat in Rogers Park. Apparently everyone here thinks Joe is a vegan. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha...if only everyone knew how much Joe likes meat.

Off to church. Later I'm going to go to Lincoln Park Zoo with Rodney. He's been a bit standoffish to me lately. I hope he's not losing interest because I want to kiss again.

Special Envoy Intern!

Well, Joe really liked my save the world idea. He loves it so much that He appointed me Special Envoy Intern to NASA. This is a truly great honor. Now I'll get to hang out with "Pete" on a regular basis. Joe will never need worry about a Diaper again. I know He's going to need one for the run-off election day.

Joe's so confident of winning that He's had NASA schedule a special launch just for Him to celebrate His victory. As if having a flower named after you isn't honor enough. Regardless, here's the info:

April 25*¹ AIM
A NASA space mission designed to study the highest clouds in the earth's atmosphere -- clouds at the edge of space.


I think envisioning Joe as the highest cloud at the edge of Rogers Park space is so appropriate. Joe is going to pleased.

How Joe's Going to Save the World!

Here's my brilliant plan for Joe. He's going to need some new material for the run-off - both in print and in person. I'm going to suggest that He find the $1 billion that NASA needs to kill all of the attacking asteroids. My God! Could He ask for a better fight? Joe can save the entire world. Not just Rogers Park. Not just Chicago. Not even just the United States...but The World. I know if He can fight against the Foie Gras, then He find the billion dollars. He'll be everyone's Hero.

I had this great idea when I read the article called NASA can't pay for killer asteroid hunt. I've included a snip below with a link to the entire story. Here's what I think. NASA really stepped in for Joe when He needed the Diapers. Now it's Joe's turn. He can help NASA and help save the world.

Joe's very good at finding money. Look at what He can raise for a simple little Aldermanic campaign. And He's good friends with Simon "Pete" Worden. I mean, how did you think He got those Diapers? Two of them. I just know He's going to love my idea! I can't wait to go in to the office tomorrow and share this with Him. And maybe Alex will listen too!

I bet I get a raise out of Joe with this plan!



"WASHINGTON - NASA officials say the space agency is capable of finding nearly all the asteroids that might pose a devastating hit to Earth, but there isn't enough money to pay for the task so it won't get done.

The cost to find at least 90 percent of the 20,000 potentially hazardous asteroids and comets by 2020 would be about $1 billion, according to a report NASA will release later this week. The report was previewed Monday at a Planetary Defense Conference in Washington.

Congress in 2005 asked NASA to come up with a plan to track most killer asteroids and propose how to deflect the potentially catastrophic ones.

"We know what to do, we just don't have the money," said Simon "Pete" Worden, director of NASA's Ames Research Center."

For complete story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070306/ap_on_sc/killer_asteroids

Who's Buying Rogers Park?

Pritzker, James N.
Occupation: Prinicpal
Employer: Tawani Enterprises
63 W. Jackson
Ste 460
Chicago, IL 60604 $5,000.00
12/29/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens for Joe Moore

feerer, jane
7415 n. sheridan
chicago, IL 60626 $10,000.00
12/18/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens to Elect Don Gordon

http://www.pritzkermilitarylibrary.org/aboutus/boardofdirectors.jsp

It's all a matter of public record.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I'm so confused! Joe has had me researching Skeletor's contributors to see if there is anything there we can exploit. It's our job now to make Skeletor look as bad as possible. This is politics, people. However, as I was doing my research, I came across conflicting information.

The two people above both sit on the same board of directors, work for the same corporation and are connected to intense power and wealth. Why would they be interested in Rogers Park and why are they playing both sides of the game? If they work for the same company wouldn't they unite and push to have Joe win? Why give Skeletor more money than Joe? Joe's already in place and knows how the corruption works, so why try to elect Skeletor.

Do you think we're going to get a Hyatt Hotel in the 49th Ward? Would it be obligated to provide living wages? I guess having a Hyatt Hotel would be nice.

I wonder how many other two-sided, two-faced contributors there are? This is one of the more interesting aspects to politics that I had not thought about. Are there really people out there who have enough money to give to two different campaigns? The contributor list is long, so I have a lot more research in front of me. I haven't talked to Joe about this because I'm afraid He's going to be upset by the truth. It's never good to have a Politician upset with the truth.

And Skeletor should feel embarrassed to speak of not taking money from outside interests when he has in fact, already begun to sell himself.

If Not Us, Then Who?

Indeed. If not us, then who? This is the question Joe asked all of us today at our first real staff meeting since the election. We are now faced with beating Skeletor Gordon in the run-off. I think a little more background on Mr. Skeletor is needed.

"Skeletor is a non-fictional character in the toy, cartoon and comic book series Masters of the Rogers Park ("MOTRP"), where he is the arch-enemy of Joe More and the main antagonist of MOTRP. He is the greatest threat to present day 49th Ward. He seeks to conquer the alderman's office so he can learn all of the 49th Ward's ancient secrets which would make him unstoppable, and which would enable him to conquer and rule all of Chicago. In the minicomic and neighborhood series, Skeletor's origin is unknown, but is implied that he was once Kukla, the brother of the King of Being Randy, though in the Michael J. Harrington Productions series, he is directly portrayed as such.

Skeletor's portrayal in the neighborhood has been generally comical, as the election forced voters to use villains mainly for comic value to keep the election suitable for young children. While he had a genuinely sinister personality in the beginning, as the election progressed Skeletor has behaved more and more incompetent, often bordering on a pantomime villain."

Scary stuff indeed. If we are to believe these reports then Joe's question just begged to be asked. If not us, then who will protect us for the bungling evil of Skeletor? I'm with Joe on this one.

The evil we know versus the evil that awaits us.

Back to Normal?

Well, the pall of the Diaper rash has finally dissipated. I must say that it really put Joe in a gloomy mood to have the rash and have to go into a run off against Skeletor. It makes for hornery politics in the aldermans office. And a strange ointment scent in the air.

My Mom and Dad haven't agreed to whether I can continue as the aldermans intern. I'm upset but I don't feel like fighting with them about it. Joe wasn't very nice to me after all the trouble I went through to get the Diaper and Segway. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.

I think that there will be a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks. I'll have to figure out another poll soon.