Join the FUN This Saturday.

Join the Fun This Saturday!

Dear Neighbor,

NASA predicts a perfect fall day this Saturday--sunny with temperatures in the low 60s and no rockets or satellites will fall from the skies. What a great day to join in for the annual 49th Ward Fall Drug Bust and not get hit with falling metal!

We'll be meeting at my office this Saturday, October th, at :00 m. for coffee, juice and rolls, and then we'll hit the streets and alleys to clean and brighten our neighborhood of crack dealers. I'll provide the fake badges, shoes, brutes and a good laugh.

Come with a group or come alone. Pick your favorite spot to clean or get an assignment. It's a great day for me to "help" my neighbors (These things make Him look good. Ooh, and you get to read His press release and He has a reason to send out an email. And then the orange flyers are hanging everywhere. I even saw one taped to a man sleeping in a the alley.) and plain old-fashioned fun!

Afterwards, join me back at my office for a "Taste of the 49th Ward" lunch, and sample some of the best food our 49th Ward restaurants have to offer!

I hope to see you Saturday!

Sincerely,

Joe More

Please help with the Green Berets

Join the 49th Ward Green Berets

Dear Neighbor,

If you want to make a local impact on global warning, now is your chance. We are forming a 49th Ward Green Berets sqadron of trained volunteers who will work with local experts to improve the quality of life in the 49th Ward through protecting American projects that protect our water, clean our air, restore our land and save energy and fight terrorism in Rogers Park. That's right, we protect the protectors.

Are you ready to make the committment?

Our first training opportunity begins in September. Squadron members will participate in the City of Chicago Green Beret (GB) training and then form locally to put their new skills to work in a menacing way. Intimidation works. Studies prove it.

Orientation is required in order to participate in the full training curriculum which runs for 35 weeks on Saturdays from 9:30am to 10:00pm at the Illinois Institute of Trained Military Fighting. The 35 three-hour courses will cover land, air, energy, water raids, community destruction and covert skill development.

There is a fee of $3.750M for course materials, but full and partial scholarships are readily available from NASA.

Are you ready to learn more?

We know this is a big commitment, but this is also a big crisis and we need lots of local leaders working together if we are to going to make the significant change we want to see.

And I can't personally pay for this program so I have to ask you to pay for yourself. Remember, that's what a real volunteer does.

Sincerely,
Joe More

--I think I'm going to volunteer for Joe again. I mean he won and I still need those community service hours to graduate. Thank God and Government that School is teaching me about volunteering. It's quite apparent that most kids would never learn of such things without School. I'm excited about Sex Ed this year. Rodney actually touched my breast. Not under my shirt, but on top. Whew. I finally got that out of the way.

But that's besides the point. I am going to be Joe's intern for the fall. School will credit me. I'm going to repost Joe's community service announcements. I wish he'd let me proof them. He has typos. I tried to correct them all. --

And in Conclusion...

Gordon says that some of his advisers recommended that he stop handing out bananas after they heard complaints from residents. "I said, 'I'm not going to let Moore spin this against us,'" says Gordon. "We did this with the best intentions. I love bananas--they're full of potassium. They taste delicious and they're good for you. I've been eating bananas all of my life. Bananas are yellow and that's the color of our campaign. So I'm sticking with this." (clout city blog, april 2)

It's a nice quote, don't you think? He ties it all up with the color of his campaign. Yellow journalism, yellow-belly cowards, yellow jaundice, yellow snow, yellow jackets, yellow brick road, yellow fever, yellow submarine, yellow bile, yellow no. 5 and the all time classic - old yeller.

It's been a long campaign for everyone in Rogers Park. Especially for Joe. He's had to finally get up off His butt and listen to people. The race is close and I can only hope that once the dust settles today that a positive forward motion has been created. It's too bad that all the bloggers will have to find another dead body to create their feeding frenzy. They could focus on Skeletor's cadaver. He's full of potassium!

I started this blog with tongue-in-cheek and the intention that we all needed some laughter. Watching a blogosphere that believes that it is the only place where real social discourse takes place, but that's simply not true. We speak in our livingrooms and the local bars, on the buses and trains, on the street, in hushed voices and sometimes loud and screaming. We live with an outdated system that breeds corruption and rewards the person who can be heard the loudest. This election was not about issues and concerns. It was not about who is best qualified. It was not about a just and fair world. It was about Chicago politics as usual.

For all of those who blogged, claiming fair journalism, honest journalism and an independent voice - shame, shame, shame on you for mixing in the absurd, abusive and vile overtones that almost always accompanied your writings. Entries that could have been insightful and helpful if not so skewed with arbitrary hate. In this blog you know you're getting satire. Straight from the hip satire. No pretense that this is a blog on truth. No pretense that I am a journalist. Simple thoughts from a simple girl.

As of 9am, Wednesday, April 18.

Alderman 49th Ward 41 of 42 precincts counted 97.62%
Joe Moore 3,862 50.91%
Don Gordon 3,724 49.09%
Total 7,586
www.chicagoelections.com

Difficult Burden of Citizenship

Democracy in Finland: The Intopii computer firm of Helsinki announced in February that it has installed software to assist voters, who, studies suggest, tend to select candidates who look like themselves. When a voter uploads his or her photo, the Web site will use facial-recognition software to find those among the 800 candidates in March parliamentary elections who most resemble that voter, to ease the difficult burden of citizenship in a democracy. [Reuters, 2-27-07]


Plans are already being made to implement the same software for Rogers Park voters who do not have the necessary intelligence to make an informed decision on their own. Even without the software, you can decide who to vote for based on this scientific approach. Do you look like Joe More or Skeletor? Vote!

Beware of Li Po Joe Syndrome

Death by Embracing the Reflection of the Moon

Chicago poet Li Po Joe is regarded as one of the two greatest poets in Rogers Park’s literary history. He was well known for his love of liquor and often spouted his greatest poems while drunk. One night, Li Po Joe fell from his boat and drowned in Michigan Lake while trying to embrace the reflection of the moon in the water.

Transparent Government

Will the REAL Republican please stand?

Pro-Alcoholism Video Release from Skeletor

Well, I think Skeletor is losing it. He's really just gone over the edge to try and recruit the alcoholic voters in the neighborhood. They just released this pro-drinking video on youtube. Not only that, he's obviously trained his NASA monkey to drink alcohol. He is using him as the main character in this video. It's atrocious. It sends the message that you can drink all you want to because you need only wake up and start all over again.

If you ask me, this video has Mr. BH written all over it. I believe that he may have written the lyrics.

Go Bananas for Skeletor?????!!!!!

Okay, I'm really getting angry at the whole Skeletor Campaign. I just found out that Skeletor is trying to steal Joe's idea and connections with NASA. I mean who does he think he is? Joe has had the in on NASA since day one and Skeletor can't do it.

However, Skeletor recently purchased (illegally!) a monkey to raise for a NASA flight. Gordonary people just can't run around buying illegal monkeys and giving them to NASA. NASA doesn't accept monkey donations.

Then Skeletor has been handing out bananas like they were $10 dollar bills. Joe hands out real $10 bills. Not rotten bananas. I've been seeing these bananas everywhere. And to hand them out to people who live in "The Jungle" of Rogers Park is just in poor taste. It's down right insulting to Rodney who says that black people don't like to be told that they live in the jungle. But Skeletor wants to keep the black people where they are. So that's why he gives them bananas.

As for the monkey. I'm going to start a petition so that we can get a referendum on the next ballot to stop animal abuse by politicians. And I just got off the phone with "Pete" from NASA and he has promised me that they will not accept Skeletor's monkey. And he's going to call the animal control center and see if he can have Skeletor arrested for monkey fraud.

If you'd like to make a donation to save the monkey, send your money to me, Alderman's Intern, c/o Joe More at any one of His many orifices.

Joe Announces New Position for Joe - Town Crier!

Today Joe called a special meeting. I've been at the office since 6A.M.! I half enjoy His moments of intense brainstorming and I half hate Him for making us come in to work so early. Apparently Joe has been an ancient world kick - first with the movie 300 and then He watched Rome last night. Inspired by the communication style of these great civilizations, Joe has decided that He should be the Town Crier for Rogers Park. This position will most directly put Him in contact with the people. And it counteracts Skeletor's "beat alderman" approach.

He wants Rogers Park to see Him as the harbinger of good news, wealth and prosperity. By wearing a toga and mimicking the hand movements in the Honourable Art of the Town Crier, Joe will set a new example of how our government representative can inform His constituency.

Here is a little historical information on the position:

The first town criers were the Spartan Runners in the early Greek Empire and as the Roman Conquest spread through Europe the position increased in importance until it became a position of the Court.

The official job of Town Crier can be traced back as far as 1066, when news of Britain's first (and last) invasion by King William of Normandy was passed from town to town by individuals specifically employed to call out the King's proclamation. Town criers were protected by law. "Don't shoot the messenger" was a very real command; anything that was done to a town crier was deemed to be done to the King and was therefore a treasonable offense. This followed in the military tradition of the time, where musicians, who were educated and respected carriers of messages and "parlees" across the battlefield lines, were "of" the military not "part of" the military.

Joe feels that now He can say what He wants because no one will shoot the Messenger. It's as if He were the King of Rogers Park. Historically this is accurate and a great basis for Joe's decision.

Now to wait for the fabric shop to open so I can go make His toga. I wonder how many yards of material to get? Lots.

Boring.

I have to say that I find this whole run-off business to be boring. Joe isn't steamed up the way He was when we had all of those other candidates. And all I hear from Skeletor's camp is "anyone but Joe" which seems like a stupid basis for voting. And it doesn't ring very well as a slogan. There's no substance.

Even the other blogs are boring. The only story Mr. BH has written in the last couple of weeks that got any comments was about a cat he found "discarded" by someone. Big deal, there are tons of animals discarded every day by humans. And very few do anything about it. Joe stood up and fought agains the Foie Gras. So why do people want to belittle Joe for wanting to help ducks? I don't get it.

I can only hope as we near the 17th of April that this election gets a little more heated. I really enjoyed those passionate moments where Joe got excited and spoke to the audience.

Meanwhile, "Pete" flew in from NASA and we had dinner together with Joe. Joe took us to Wicker Park to eat so we wouldn't be seen eating meat in Rogers Park. Apparently everyone here thinks Joe is a vegan. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha...if only everyone knew how much Joe likes meat.

Off to church. Later I'm going to go to Lincoln Park Zoo with Rodney. He's been a bit standoffish to me lately. I hope he's not losing interest because I want to kiss again.

Special Envoy Intern!

Well, Joe really liked my save the world idea. He loves it so much that He appointed me Special Envoy Intern to NASA. This is a truly great honor. Now I'll get to hang out with "Pete" on a regular basis. Joe will never need worry about a Diaper again. I know He's going to need one for the run-off election day.

Joe's so confident of winning that He's had NASA schedule a special launch just for Him to celebrate His victory. As if having a flower named after you isn't honor enough. Regardless, here's the info:

April 25*¹ AIM
A NASA space mission designed to study the highest clouds in the earth's atmosphere -- clouds at the edge of space.


I think envisioning Joe as the highest cloud at the edge of Rogers Park space is so appropriate. Joe is going to pleased.

How Joe's Going to Save the World!

Here's my brilliant plan for Joe. He's going to need some new material for the run-off - both in print and in person. I'm going to suggest that He find the $1 billion that NASA needs to kill all of the attacking asteroids. My God! Could He ask for a better fight? Joe can save the entire world. Not just Rogers Park. Not just Chicago. Not even just the United States...but The World. I know if He can fight against the Foie Gras, then He find the billion dollars. He'll be everyone's Hero.

I had this great idea when I read the article called NASA can't pay for killer asteroid hunt. I've included a snip below with a link to the entire story. Here's what I think. NASA really stepped in for Joe when He needed the Diapers. Now it's Joe's turn. He can help NASA and help save the world.

Joe's very good at finding money. Look at what He can raise for a simple little Aldermanic campaign. And He's good friends with Simon "Pete" Worden. I mean, how did you think He got those Diapers? Two of them. I just know He's going to love my idea! I can't wait to go in to the office tomorrow and share this with Him. And maybe Alex will listen too!

I bet I get a raise out of Joe with this plan!



"WASHINGTON - NASA officials say the space agency is capable of finding nearly all the asteroids that might pose a devastating hit to Earth, but there isn't enough money to pay for the task so it won't get done.

The cost to find at least 90 percent of the 20,000 potentially hazardous asteroids and comets by 2020 would be about $1 billion, according to a report NASA will release later this week. The report was previewed Monday at a Planetary Defense Conference in Washington.

Congress in 2005 asked NASA to come up with a plan to track most killer asteroids and propose how to deflect the potentially catastrophic ones.

"We know what to do, we just don't have the money," said Simon "Pete" Worden, director of NASA's Ames Research Center."

For complete story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070306/ap_on_sc/killer_asteroids

Who's Buying Rogers Park?

Pritzker, James N.
Occupation: Prinicpal
Employer: Tawani Enterprises
63 W. Jackson
Ste 460
Chicago, IL 60604 $5,000.00
12/29/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens for Joe Moore

feerer, jane
7415 n. sheridan
chicago, IL 60626 $10,000.00
12/18/2006 Individual Contribution Citizens to Elect Don Gordon

http://www.pritzkermilitarylibrary.org/aboutus/boardofdirectors.jsp

It's all a matter of public record.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I'm so confused! Joe has had me researching Skeletor's contributors to see if there is anything there we can exploit. It's our job now to make Skeletor look as bad as possible. This is politics, people. However, as I was doing my research, I came across conflicting information.

The two people above both sit on the same board of directors, work for the same corporation and are connected to intense power and wealth. Why would they be interested in Rogers Park and why are they playing both sides of the game? If they work for the same company wouldn't they unite and push to have Joe win? Why give Skeletor more money than Joe? Joe's already in place and knows how the corruption works, so why try to elect Skeletor.

Do you think we're going to get a Hyatt Hotel in the 49th Ward? Would it be obligated to provide living wages? I guess having a Hyatt Hotel would be nice.

I wonder how many other two-sided, two-faced contributors there are? This is one of the more interesting aspects to politics that I had not thought about. Are there really people out there who have enough money to give to two different campaigns? The contributor list is long, so I have a lot more research in front of me. I haven't talked to Joe about this because I'm afraid He's going to be upset by the truth. It's never good to have a Politician upset with the truth.

And Skeletor should feel embarrassed to speak of not taking money from outside interests when he has in fact, already begun to sell himself.

If Not Us, Then Who?

Indeed. If not us, then who? This is the question Joe asked all of us today at our first real staff meeting since the election. We are now faced with beating Skeletor Gordon in the run-off. I think a little more background on Mr. Skeletor is needed.

"Skeletor is a non-fictional character in the toy, cartoon and comic book series Masters of the Rogers Park ("MOTRP"), where he is the arch-enemy of Joe More and the main antagonist of MOTRP. He is the greatest threat to present day 49th Ward. He seeks to conquer the alderman's office so he can learn all of the 49th Ward's ancient secrets which would make him unstoppable, and which would enable him to conquer and rule all of Chicago. In the minicomic and neighborhood series, Skeletor's origin is unknown, but is implied that he was once Kukla, the brother of the King of Being Randy, though in the Michael J. Harrington Productions series, he is directly portrayed as such.

Skeletor's portrayal in the neighborhood has been generally comical, as the election forced voters to use villains mainly for comic value to keep the election suitable for young children. While he had a genuinely sinister personality in the beginning, as the election progressed Skeletor has behaved more and more incompetent, often bordering on a pantomime villain."

Scary stuff indeed. If we are to believe these reports then Joe's question just begged to be asked. If not us, then who will protect us for the bungling evil of Skeletor? I'm with Joe on this one.

The evil we know versus the evil that awaits us.

Back to Normal?

Well, the pall of the Diaper rash has finally dissipated. I must say that it really put Joe in a gloomy mood to have the rash and have to go into a run off against Skeletor. It makes for hornery politics in the aldermans office. And a strange ointment scent in the air.

My Mom and Dad haven't agreed to whether I can continue as the aldermans intern. I'm upset but I don't feel like fighting with them about it. Joe wasn't very nice to me after all the trouble I went through to get the Diaper and Segway. Everyone likes to feel appreciated.

I think that there will be a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks. I'll have to figure out another poll soon.

Two Words

Diaper rash.

Mission Accomplished!

I don't mind admitting that when I woke up today I was filled with dread. I was prepared to find Him a Segway. That seemed easy. But getting the NASA diaper took some engineering on my part. Mostly Joe had to pull some strings, but we got not only one, but two. Joe wanted to try one out today.

I learned a lot though and I understand why Joe wanted one so badly. Here's a photo and a little information about Joe's trial run today. Joe always says a progressive leader is a prepared leader. I don't really know what He means, but it sounds good.

Joe drove the 2 sq miles miles from Howard to Devon and out to Western from Sheridan wearing a diaper, to avoid time-wasting rest stops, according to the election officials. The diaper caught the eye of many curious Rogers Parkers, but in the aerospace community, it’s not a new concept. Originally, during the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions in the 1960s and 1970s, astronauts wore urine and fecal containment bags. When astronauts walked on the moon there was a kind of spandex trunk but the fecal and urine collection devices fitted into the trunk … the spandex tights just held them into place. The Diaper is a comfortable undergarment that looked like a biker short, with a zipper on one side, and a softly padded rump and centerline with a leakproof outer layer.

This might also explain the shape of Joe's bottom.

However, the reason is eminently practical: “You can’t just drop your political pants and go any where in the Ward,” says Alex, a high ranking manager in the alderman's department at the Rogers Park Cosmosphere and Diaper Center. "Early on, when it was only men, they would have bags that they would keep inside their political pants." Then came the diapers.

I didn't realize that NASA had invaded the political sphere on such a local level. I have to confess that Joe did look smashing on his Segway and the confidence just oozed from Him. Of course, I didn't look at the Diaper when He was done. I did have time to make Him a sandwich board to wear tomorrow. I think it will be helplful. It says "Vote for Me!"

I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow!

Mission Impossible

Oh God, Joe just called. I'm trying to watch the Academy Awards tonight! I don't want to think about politics, but He's just given me Mission Impossible.

He's very worried about Tuesday and having to be out and about the whole day. He wants to be able to be every where at once without having to stop for anything. So get this - He wants me to find a Segway and one of those NASA diapers that lady used to drive cross country. I mean, who does He think I am?

This is going to cost about $70,000 but Joe says it's worth it. He can stay on the Segway all day without having to stop and use the bathroom. If He can get to all of the polling precincts, He may just about have a chance. His idea is brilliant but a little short-sighted. Where are you supposed to buy a NASA diaper? Dominicks? I don't think so.

Well, I guess I know what I'm doing tomorrow. No school, just this crazy scheme of Joes to cater to. And I am not going to be the one at the end the day who removes the diaper from Him. Gross!

Joejongilia: The Real Flower of the People

I have erred. The flowers used in Joe's mailer was actually the flower developed for Him by the infamous horticulturist and is named the Joejongilia. As reported by me, earlier this month Rogers Park central news agency carpet-bombed the neighborhood with declarations of Joejongilia's intergalactic dominion through His birthday celebrations.

In years past, Joe’s birthday has featured displays and design competitions of the red tulip, even synchronized swimming events with plastic Joejongilia props. This year, 30,000 Joejongilia flowers were massed in Rogers Park for a photo shoot. One occupational hazard of a tyrant’s job: it’s so hard to know where to draw the line.

30,000 flowers for one photo shoot is extreme. And I understand it can be hard for Joe to know where to draw the line because He can't see very well. And after listening to Him this morning, it's apparent to me that Joe is losing His marbles. Joe said in the same sentence that "development in the neighborhood is being driven market forces and we must be mindful of private property", while at the same time stating that He was waiting for a revolution. I can't decide if He's supporting Ginderske or those other guys. I'll need to have a conversation about the flowers and this kind of talk with Him later today.

And where did those flowers come from? Where did they go? I didn't even get one in the office. Rodney brought me a yellow rose last night for our date. We went to the Side Project Theater and had a very good time. He kissed me again! This time I felt his tongue. Oh my God. I can't tell Mom.

Despairity in the Neighorhood

We're down to the last few days before the election and things are heating up. I think the debates and the Chicago Tonight show were very telling about the candidates. And of course, I can't help but to notice the flood of mailers that Joe has been sending out. It seems that everyone else is jumping on His tree killing platform. For the record, I am an environmentalist.

Aside from the fact that Joe kills 1 tree per mailing, His content has gone dramatically downhill. Today I am going to evaluate the mailers we've been receiving. (http://www.spiritone.com/~brucem/savetree.htm - you do the math)


1. Joe More leads the fight against saving trees. His invasive and voluminous mailers are making my life hell. See! Just being around Joe is making me swear. Not only does He kill trees, His content sucks. The mailer from yesterday features an icy lake androses. How do roses grow in an icy lake? In fact, I don't think Rogers Park has a rose garden at all. It does seem like Joe is saying that He's responsible for Spring, but only God is repsonsible for the weather. So where does Joe come off pretending He's God?

And the trite dribble that comes off the page in a saccharin-acid blood spatter that would make CSI proud, Joe goes on to exploit 7 new businesses that have cropped up in Rogers Park the last couple of years. 7 new businesses is not a revitalization. And despite the mailer, we do not live in Paris where one might find a "renaissance" or "blossoming" economic community.

Shame on you Joe for killing trees to produce such crap.

2. Skeletor's mailer from yesterday. Oh God, where do I start? First, it fell apart as my Mom tried to open it. After she glanced at it and threw it in the garbage, I took it for my evaluation. In his stupid introduction letter he jumps on the Ginderske band wagon and tries to lie about taking developers money. You see he's figured out that Ginderske is coming out ahead a little with remaining free from developer money, so he's pleding to not do it in the future. A place that doesn't even exist yet. However if you look at his D2 statements it's apparent that he's being bought by developers now, today, already. A lesson he stole from Joe. He just ends up coming across as a thief who doesn't have an original idea of his own.

He must pay a lot of money for all of that color yet his designers produce a rotten piece of rubbish that voters like my mom can't wait to throw out. Thanks Skeletor for making the lives of trees disposable. You come in second for WORST approach to saving trees.

3. We've only gotten a couple of spiritless mailers from Tepid Adams. However, my Mom and Dad have been complaining all week about the spam phone calls they got from this campaign. That whiney gnat voice droning on endlessly about something. I can't even remember what they told me he said. He ranks third in killing trees.

4. My parents got one small postcard from the Ginderske campaign. It's a typical postcard size mailer that appeared to economical in the use of killing trees yet gave three really good points about what he would do. My Mom said that she's going to vote for Ginderske. Since I can't vote it caused some problems between me and Mom. However, considering Joe has been killing 20 trees per day, I'm starting to see her reasons for a man like Ginderske.

Hey, I'm only 16 so I can't vote anyways, and this helps me and Mom to not fight. In two years I can vote but there won't be an aldermanic election that year. I should be able to vote for the next president. Rodney and I were talking about Barack Obama and whether he might get elected or not. I think Rodney looks a little Mr. Obama.

Tonight Rodney is taking me out for a little live theater. I'm not sure where we're going but I will let you know if we kiss again.

Hellhole = Don Gordon

Watching Joe last night on WTTW was very exciting. My parents and I had chips and salsa and Rodney came over. It was nice double date at home. I was a little disappointed that Joe came across flustered. It doesn't help His image when He stutters and stumbles over His own words. But as I sat watching, I had the realization why Mr. BH of the Hellhole fame supports Skeletor Gordon.

Mr. BH needs a nemesis or he cannot exist. He lives through his Hellhole with his whole life is dedicated to amplifying the negative aspects of Rogers Park. I understand that Joe has made some serious mistakes in the past and that Mr. BH has been able to exploit them through his yellow journalism.

However, if Joe somehow is not elected this year, then who would make the best candidate to perpetuate the negative, absent, adverse, antagonistic, colorless, counteractive, cynical, denying, detrimental, disallowing, dissentient, gloomy, jaundiced, naysaying, neutralizing, nullifying, opposing, pessimistic, privative, removed, repugnant, unaffirmative, unenthusiastic, unfavorable, uninterested, unwilling, weak governing that we've become used to?

Skeletor Gordon is the obvious answer.

As our champion beat alderman Gordon is going to exploit our bordering neighborhoods - like Andersonville. His Republican Agenda will make the color and diversity of our neighborhood disappear. At least Joe understands that you can't kick out ALL of the black and latino people at once. Joe has taken a long time to slowly build up to where He can have mostly white people in Rogers Park through the condo conversions.

Skeletor will not be so nice. Somehow Skeletor believes that it's the color of our neighborhood that creates our problems. Creep! He'll work long and hard to remove these elements, I'm sure. And Mr. BH will continue to have an alderman that he can heckle and boo because "we've lost our diversity" and Rogers Park has been white-washed. And I'm afraid that Rodney will have to move since his mom cannot afford to live any where else in the city. They'll have to find a cheap suburb to move to. This means that I won't be able to see Rodney every night because neither of us a license or a car.

Let's take a look at what Skeletor has to say about Housing:

I will lead “balanced” housing development and…

* Create affordable housing for the Final solution
* Demand conscientious rental management
* Preserve homes and community character, insist on quality condo development for white people

First of all, why is the word balanced in quotation marks? Don't you usually do that when you are altering the meaning of the word? So I don't know what he really means. I'm so confused by Skeletor. If you have an ounce of intelligence, why would you vote for him?

You can most clearly see his Republican Agenda as you delve further into what he wants to do with management companies. George W. Bush has shown me that Big Government is not about laissez-faire - it's about controlling and limiting the choices we have as Americans. Skeletor will do the same thing for Rogers Parkers. Demanding that private citizens let him control whatever he wants. Even Joe understands that you can't control everyone - only people with money.

However, this is exactly what Mr. BH needs for his Hellhole. He understands that he needs either Joe or Skeletor or his miserable little existence as a blogger will end. He needs another alderman that will preserve all that is wrong for the people of Rogers Park and allow the Hellhole to live on indefinitely.

Morsehellhole: A Lesson In Yellow Journalism

After reading the Hellhole blog for the last month or so, I'm very disappointed. I thought when Joe had me reading the blogs it was because the blogs were important and a great source for local news. I thought I was important because He had me read them. However, I continue to find that this is not the case. I did a little research and here is what I believe is going on with Mr. Broken Heart.

He's a yellow journalist.

Here is the definition from Wikipedia:

"Yellow journalism is a pejorative reference to journalism that features scandal-mongering, sensationalism, jingoism or other unethical or unprofessional practices by news media organizations or individual journalists."

Or from http://library.thinkquest.org:

"Yellow journalism, in short, is biased opinion masquerading as objective fact. Moreover, the practice of yellow journalism involved sensationalism, distorted stories, and misleading images for the sole purpose of boosting newspaper sales and exciting public opinion.
What is the remedy to yellow journalism? Simply double- and triple-checking one's sources and reading between the lines. If one disregards the obvious marketing that is used to hook readers, newspapers may actually prove to be reliable sources of information."

I know that I am young but I think that it's imperative that we question the source of our news information. Aside from the fact that Mr. BH has a personality disorder, which is evident when one day he calls Joe a republican and then the next day calls him left-wing, it's clear to me that he should win a Pulitzer for Yellow Journalism. By the way, I've never heard of a left-wing republican.

I think Mr. BH most closely resembles William Randolph Hearst. Let's take this paragraph from www.pbs.org and do a little substitution:

Yellow journals like the Morsehellhole rely on sensationalist headlines to sell blog space. Mr. BH understands that a war with Joe More will not only sell his blog, but also move him into a position of neighborhood prominence. Mr. BH writes stories designed to tug at the heartstrings of Rogers Parkers. Horrific tales describing the situation in RP--female prisoners, executions, valiant rebels fighting, and starving women and children figure in many of the stories that fill the blog.

See how easy it is? I could easily become a yellow journalist myself since it's the easiest form of jounalism. Make up something sensational and it will sell itself. All Mr. BH has had to do is inherit a magazine and do nothing but sit at his computer, get drunk and make stuff up. Jeesh.

I understand that his father was a good man and fair journalist. In fact, his father fought long and hard for gay rights back in the 70s, which took courage. I wonder what his father would think of Mr. BH's yellow journalism. Yellow journalism certainly does not involve courage.

Mr. BH, I challenge you to stop embarrassing your family and to become an ethical (or is that ehthical) journalist and conclude this saga of yellow journalism that you have begun.

Joe is 49!!

Wow. I just realized that Joe is 49. That's our ward number!!! He should win just for being 49. However, I hear of some birthday celebrations that are coming our way. Just in time after the onslaught of mailers from Him that are upsetting everyone.

"In particular, this year Rogers Park celebrates not only Joe More's 50th birthday but the 16th anniversary of establishing the Army, as well as Joe More's 50th birthday. Placing great emphasis on the fact that each of the celebrations ended on a 5 unit denomination, songs and high respects are being organized in honor of these days.

Around the city, high ranking officers from the City Council of Chicago's Armed Forces will participate in various competitions such as ‘The Presentation of Honorable Joe More’ (Feb 23th), youths throughout the city will compete in contests such as “The loyalty vow” (Feb 19th-22nd), “The 11th Joe More Flower Exhibition” (Feb 26th) whereas the ministerial elite will participate in “The Combined Joe More Conference” (Feb 27th).

The Joe More flower, a perennation was presented by a Japanese horticulturalist Gamo Mododeru in 1996. It was named as “the immortal flower.”

On Jan 26th the Chicago Tribune reported that “The 11th Anniversary of Joe More flower will be ‘greater than the past with a combination of ideologies and arts presented in an interesting style.’” The topic of these celebrations is ‘Shining Joe More flowers against the brilliant twilight of a developed neighborhood.'

Since the beginning of Jan 15th, an extra-large sized mosaic fresco (AND we do mean EXTRA LARGE) has been constructed from Morse Avenue and Howard Street in Rogers Park city. This fresco portrays propaganda with the phrases “Our comrade Joe More will be with us forever” and “May there be eternal prosperity for Joe's developers” written across the walls.

This year, it seems that the celebrations will revolve around inciting greater respect for Joe More, using the opportunity to strengthen solidarity of the regime.”

Isn't it all so beautiful? Just like Joe was a little ruler of a kingdom or a small east asian country situated on a peninsula. It reminds me of the fun other cultures have when they live under fear and repression from their leaders. Joe tells me that intimidation is His favorite pastime. He just loves to put pressure on the little businesses and organizations that depend on his feudal sponsorship. Intimidation is a big word and it holds a lot of meaning. It implies reduction to a state where the spirit is broken or all courage is lost. I think the only candidate who isn't using this platform is Ginderske. What an idiot!

For Joe, intimidation means that we get to continue on with the way things are. However, I've heard rumors that Skeletor is already using intimidation and fear to coherce people into voting for him. Joe and Skeletor are indistinguishable when it comes to neighborhood rule.

I really like Joe's latest fear flyer. The man on front looks like Richard Nixon. Last night I laid the poster on my bed (the format was so large!) and I pretended to make out with the photo of Joe. Rodney knows that I have a crush on Joe but he's okay with it because he knows that I'm saving my virginity for someone deserving. And until this election is over, I'm not sure Joe's the man. Or Rodney either. I just have to wait and see. I mean, really, I've only just now had my first kiss. Why does Everyone want me to "give it up"?

Why Is Anyone Talking About Skeletor?

There is a lot of flap going on about Skeletor Gordon and I just don't get it. The man really does not have a leg to stand on. I don't care how fit he thinks he is; he's still a cadaver to me. You can't vote for a dead person.

I think the one thing people should be concerned with is his attitude towards young children. He sincerely believes that you need to be taught to be creative. He doesn't think that we have imaginations. Can you believe him? Joe and I discussed this yesterday and Joe told me that Skeletor is making some very big mistakes.

Having the alcoholic community endorse him is his second biggest mistake next to insulting everyone by telling us we don't know how to imagine. I've been reading the Hellblog and I wondered when Mr. BH's feminine voice would finally come out. In today's issue Margot, dog walker and alcoholic extradonaire, endorses Skeletor??!?? This is good? But finally Mr. BH has a woman to fill those high-heeled pumps on his broken heart.

I don't drink. But I imagine all the time! Mostly it's about Rodney and how we might kiss again this weekend.

I also realized today that Joe was first elected the year I was born. My whole life in Rogers Park has been under Joe. It's a little scary to think what the ward will be like without Him. If I were to imagine being under anyone else but Joe...who would it be?

Joe's going to fill me in later today about the horrible slacker aspect of Skeletor. I'll let you know what I find out.

My Last Debate Evaluation

I must say that I am glad that the debate season is over. Yesterday's forums were similar to what we have been experiencing. I did like the intimacy of the first debate. I liked the breakfast food and enjoyed watching Joe eat. It's important to feel nourished when you have to speak in public.

I didn't like being up that early and I may have napped off while everyone was speaking. Here are a few things from my notes:

1. Joe says that Loyola is a 600 pound canary in our neighborhood. I do not understand this at all. I don't think a canary can grow to 600 pounds! Then there's something here that He says Loyola should be more inclusive with the community. I thought He was working on this already!

2. He said David Orr is not a shrinking violet. I think Joe should have had more coffee. Orr has to oversee elections, real estate and tax services. So Joe should not be calling him names. He should be his friend.

3. He swore. He said "Holy H E L L " about 3 times. He was very passionate at this point and I just loved to watch his jowels jiggle. It makes Him a man in my eyes.

4. He also wants to challenge the nation to embrace fear and to work together to have an enclave nation.

5. He needs a bigger chair in His position. (I think this may have to do with weight gain)

6. And He also said we are not an island unto ourselves.


I give Joe a C+ for effort and arriving on time for both debates.

But a C- on his use of allegory, metaphor, and simile.

Does Joe Work?

I've had the last couple of days to finally find some quiet from all of those dreadful debates. I wish just one group would organize a true debate with real discourse. I also wish more people would show up, even if it does create fire hazards like it did in that place last week. Whew! Adams could barely wag his finger at us, it was so filled to capacity.

People are talking about how Joe doesn't really do His job. But that's just not true. It's all about perception. Joe is working double time right now (which means about 1.75 hrs a day) to campaign for Himself. This is terribly hard work. If you just ask Him, He'll be glad to tell you how grueling these last two months have been.

He needs to get His pension. It's very simple. During an election year, He has to stop having the real fun and work for a couple of months campaigning. Because IF he wins this year, He gets 20 years and then He gets pension. The rest of the year He has very few city council obligations and doesn't sit on any committees, so He's happy.

I found this article interesting:
"...More important, Beavers will be eligible to collect an aldermanic pension of $78,500 a year. That's 80 percent of the $98,125-a-year salary paid to City Council members. Both pensions would be in addition to the $85,000-a-year County Board paycheck."

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4155/is_20060711/ai_n16524007

Beavers? More? What's the difference? 3 pensions! But I bet Joe wishes He had thought of something like that!

This year is harder for Him because of all of the other candidates. It puts a strain on His campaign funds. He likes to keep that as full as He can. It allows Him to work now on His campaign without spending any of His city paycheck.

But usually He just has to pay for a couple of family movies, speak at some other public function He had NOTHING to do with (can you believe how gullible people are?), maybe hold some kind of "service" faire where he serves potato chips and bologna or hands out pencils. His life is really nice when it's not an election year.

I want to see Him get His rewards. I hope people will continue to vote in my poll.

I've Been Kissed!

Rodney did take me to the movies the other night but I just couldn't get in the right mood to be happy. These debates really have been taking a toll on me. Watching my Hero falter has been a hard thing to watch. BUT THEN. Rodney took me out last night for a burger and fries. It was so cute! We actually shared a milkshake! Two straws in one glass and everything. Rodney kept telling me that I had the prettiest eyes and that I was so smart. When he dropped me off at my home, he walked me to the door and kissed me! Right on the lips. Oh my God, it was so weird and wonderful. I have never experienced such sensations before.

But I am off topic. I need to evaluate Adams. In case you haven't noticed, I don't think highly of him. In fact, in my poll, I have had to label him "Tepid". He's really just so blah and to listen to him talk is excruciating. It's like a gnat got caught in your ear. Here are some of the things he's talked about that I think you should think about.

Adams keeps talking about us as if we're broken. It's very condescending to listen to him harp at Joe through the community as a whole. I think he thinks he's attacking Joe but it really just sounds like he's attacking the people in our neighborhood. He keeps saying we need to produce better quality people. I don't understand! It's not like our neighborhood is a baby factory where he can just push out better quality people. What does better quality people mean anyway? Most of my Mom and Dad's friends are college educated and they live in the neighborhood. They also think and vote.

The only other thing I have in my notes is that Adams has a family member who immigrated here.

See. I told you he was tepid. I forgot to take any notes when he spoke. It was just buzz, buzz, buzz without substance.

My New Poll! Vote!

I went to bed last night thinking that no one has taken any polls on who is the dreamiest candidate running for our ward. So I decided that I would put one on my blog!

I know that I tend to think Ginderske's eyes are dreamy but even though Joe is being weird right now, He's made me feel better about the debates. I'm back to thinking that maybe, just maybe, He's the most fabulist man I've ever met. He actually made my heart pitter pat a little today. He really is so soft spoken. He also told me that sometimes politics can be hard to stomach. That's one of the reasons He would be so good to re-elect. He's got the stomach for it.

Please take a moment and vote in my poll!

Next Up for Evaluation

Now about Ginderske. I have to admit that it's hard to be mean spirited about him. His eyes are just the dreamiest. Really. I met him the other night while Joe was out buying drinks and he remembered my name! Wow! You may wonder why Joe would have me out on a school night and in bars but it's very simple. Joe wants to be seen as hip, cool and He can give off that impression with young people around Him. He's trying to "Rock the Vote" with His new attitude and an entourage of young people. You've seen Alex right? It took him months (!) to grow that moustache. Alex has that right kind of alternative edge combined with the maturity of that moustache. I wish I could grow a moustache for Joe.

I will evaluate Chris Adams tomorrow. Today I most focus on last night's debate because there was a lot of not telling the truth going on. I hate to call Joe a liar because I work for Him and He might fire me. But maybe not. He does so very much like me in the sunlight. I think it cheers Him up on these days after He's had a horrible debate.

The debate was run by fascist nazi pigs. We weren't allowed to wear buttons, and yet everyone on the debate panel wore their buttons. AND! They were policing what everyone was writing or taking pictures of. I mean, it felt totally oppressive and this is a group that organizes women to vote! I believe that they totally undermined the first amendment and my right to free speech. A button is a form of free speech and they took it away.

I am extremely surprised that none of the other candidates called Joe a liar. I mean, He blatantly lies about so many things. I understand this is "politics as usual" but I guess that I'm just idealistic enough to think that Joe might be above it all. But after last night, I'm just not sure.

First, Joe tells everyone that He stands up to the Mayor. But He, Himself, will also tell you that 95% of the time He votes with the Mayor. I'm not really sure how He thinks He's being progressive when He's with the Mayor 95% of the time. That seems like an awfully high percentage.

He told everyone that our streets are paved with gold and we should be raising our children on them. What sort of Ozland does he live in? I haven't seen any gold paved streets and I walk around a lot.

He tells everyone that we do what we can in regards to the uninsured. But when I looked around the office, I didn't find one single piece of paper that mentions uninsured people and what He is doing to help them.

And God, if He mentions the living wage one more time, I'm going to bean Him. Both of the "G" candidates pointed out that He's behind the living wage as a political stunt, nothing more, nothing less. The living wage doesn't really help our ward. I've tried to tell Joe that He should speak more intelligently about the living wage ordinance and His part in it. But He just keeps blathering away as if it has any real impact on our community. Sometimes I just don't know why I bother being His intern if He's not going to listen to me. And if He's going to talk about employment opportunities and apprenticeshp training - then why hasn't He set up these programs in the last 16 years!

Rodney wants very much to belong to an union, but there is no training provided in our ward. All Joe has done is to keep Rodney and his 'banger' friends in business. But Rodney would like to take his Discipleship and apply it to bigger things.

Then affordable housing. Where Joe blatanly tells the crowd he changes zoning to help the developers. I cannot even begin to address this with Him.

When it came to immigration, Joes tells everyone that we are a ward of immigrants. I'm not an immigrant. And He said the word "Heck". Not very good manners.

When it came to racial profiling He said you can't please all of the people all of time. I guess He would like people to think of Him in terms of Abraham Lincoln. Maybe He thinks that He can free the immigrants, like the slaves were freed. What an idiot.

Really, after reading through what I've written, it's overwhelming. I don't know if I'll go to the office today. Anne Sullivan can be surly when we have bad debates. We only have 19 days left before the election. At this moment, I'm not sure if I will be able to continue as Joe's intern. I need to at least have a private moment with Him today.

OH! Tonight Rodney is going to take me to a movie and I think he really is going to kiss me!

The Snow is Pretty. Like our Election.

I'm just sitting in Joe's office watching the snow drift down.It's so cold, white and dreamy. And that's how I'm feeling about the election. It seems that we have our fill of cold white men who are dreaming about their political futures by using us. I've been thinking alot about Joe and the other candidates.

The one I hate the most is Don Gordon. Aside from the fact that he appears to be a walking corpse that doesn't realize it has died, he just seems to have the Napolean/Hitler complex. He's clearly shorter than Joe and not nearly as good looking. It seems to me that Gordon believes a bit of puffery will win the voters. Puffery cannot replace true leadership. Joe's girth gives Him the sense of power a political man needs and Gordon just doesn't have it. And I swear, if Gordon becomes strident towards Joe again, I will stand up and tell him to be quiet. Obviously he doesn't have anything to say about the issues or he'd stop attacking Joe.

There's another debate tomorrow night and I plan on being there. This time Joe will get to shine with the women voters in the ward. I am going to look around the office today and see if I can find anything that Joe has done for women in the last 16 years. I'm sure that He's filed something away. But even if He hasn't, He's told me that He knows how to manipulate the crowd by bringing up topics that have no relevance. Joe says that most voters are complete morons and the whole reason He's been able to stay in office for so long is that people just don't care to vote. He usually makes sure to have Rodney and his friends drive the old people to the poles. This way he's sure to win with the elderly as his tool. They're so old they don't know what's going. Like my grandma, she's lost her marbles.

Joe is a delightful and innovative man. On Sunday, to win over the alcoholic population (one that usually supports Gordon), he bought everyone drinks to get them drunk and get them to vote for Him. It reminds me of Rodney's friends when they talk about the 'females' and how a little liquor makes them easy. This is why I'll never drink alcohol. Some of Rodney's friends scare me a little. But I'm not easy and never will be. But I do wish Rodney would kiss me. I have never been kissed before.

Debate Season

Well people, it seems we are thick in the middle of debate season. And that is not a slam on Joe for being a bit pudgy. I must admit to being a bit tired after yesterday's debate. It was a long one. I admire all the candidates and regular people who stayed. I myself was happy that Rodney was with me to keep me company. He's has very interesting ideas on our alderman.

Well, what's new to report on from this debate. Not much really. The candidates just repeated what they've been saying. Though there were a few new things that I only caught in passing because I was so sleepy. I think I nodded in and out few times, but Rodney always made sure to wake me up for the important things.

A few things that I wrote down about Joe:

1. Old Orchard Shopping Mall is not a school. (Huh?! I need to understand what He means by this but I won't see Him until Tuesday.)

2. I caught something about Him using a hammer to destroy the community, but that did not make a lot of sense to me. Joe isn't even a carpenter.

3. He also mentioned a synagogue that was an eyesore. I don't know why He would say something so idiotic. It makes Him sound like Gordon.

And just to make things clear, I did not like Joe wagging His finger at the crowd. I thought it very disrespectful.

Sorry. I am not feeling very "Joe Optimistic" today. I felt really let down by Him yesterday.

Debate Time Again!

Yawn! I'm skipping school today. I am just exhausted from last night's debate. Joe was wonderful as usual and I'm very proud of how He goes over and over and over again about the things He did 14 years ago. He explained to me yesterday that He has to go back that far because the rest of the time He's just been trying to make a name for Himself so that He can go on to more important political positions. It's really important to Him that He wins this year so that He can collect His pension for ever and ever. Most voters do not realize this.

Okay, the debate! First of all, the moderater was a very nice man from Evanston. He did say that we would not have time for all of the issues, so I took that to mean that we do not have time for democracy. But that's okay because Joe would agree with that statement. It's not like Joe likes to educate the voters because most of them are really stupid. He says so.

Some highlights:

Gordon stated that developers should build "garden" apartments for the poor. I think this translates into the poor should live underground - where they can't be seen. He also keeps saying that we can "do better" but then never explains what better means. He does say that he will become our 'beat alderman.' I wonder if he means like Kerouac was a beat writer? But that's not very Republican so he can't mean that. He also talked about the Mayor as his boss and that sometimes you don't agree with your boss. So, you have to be sure and work behind his back to get things done the way you want them to be done.

Ginderke seems very focused on the poor. Like the rich don't have problems? He also made a lot of people clap when he mentioned Todd Stroger. What was that about? I need to talk with Joe about what this means. Ginderske also wants to build a Boys and Girls club in the neighborhood. I wish there was one now. I could probably meet more cute boys like Rodney.

Adams still seems too girlie to me. He doesn't like the invasion of privacy from the blue lights in our neighborhood. Does that mean he's doing something dishonest that he doesn't want people to see. Joe worked hard to get those lights in place and chase the bad guys away from those very specific corners. Adams also talked about an utopia arts world in our neighborhood. I would like to see that utopia.

All in all, I had a very nice night. Rodney came took me out after the debate for a rootbeer float. We had to go to Lincoln Park to find a place that is that wholesome, but it was still fun. I think he may try to kiss me on the next date!!!

Save the Neighborhood from Hipster Baby Clothes Boutiques..

Save the neighborhood from hipster baby clothes boutiques, greedy developers, and gigantic SUVs! This is what we'll get if Don Gordon is elected. I heard Joe talking with Kevin yesterday. It seems that Gordon denying that he's a white, rich, old man is just a way of trying to get everyone off the real issues. His Republican agenda is going to bring in even more SUVs than Joe's agenda. Today I counted 5, yes 5, Hummers going by Joe's office. I wish the Hummer owners would ship the Hummers off to Iraq and support Joe in his efforts to fight the war.

By the way, the developers that donate to Joe are not GREEDY. They just want what every developer wants - low investment, high return. This is why Joe works so closely with them. But if Gordon is elected than we will most likely see the introduction of all of the worse elements of a place like Lincoln Park. I don't want baby boutiques! I just want a Gap.

Oh and Mr. BrokenHeart thinks he so smart! He completely stole my idea of posting about the candidates contributions and expenditures. He must be terribly lonely to copy a high school teenage girl. But did you notice that he didn't include any links for you to go and explore on your own? Also, he completely left Adams and Gordon out of it. He must be working for Gordon. I heard through one of the many RP grapevines that Craig will be the attack dog for any candidate that offers him a job or money. Perhaps he should hang a shingle that says "Will Work for Booze". His nose is very large and red - a good sign of an alcoholic.

To get away from all of the RP bloggers, check this out:
http://www.chicagoist.com/archives/2007/01/30/cleansing_yourself.php#comments

I think that Joe should start cleansing. It would probably help Him with His digestive tract. He often complains of heartburn. But not yesterday when we ate our pastries. Again, we just laughed and laughed. I just adore Joe. Without Him, just think what our community would be like.

Why do I have to keep clarifying things?

I am so sick and tired of answering the phones. Every time Joe sends out a mailer the office is flooded with calls. So let me clarify the latest mailer.

I know it looks a little ridiculous that Joe is saying that one of his proudest moments as alderman happened 14 years ago. I know that He should be proud of other things. We're brainstorming all the time on this! But He did do that one thing back in 1993 that helped to bring CAPS to our neighborhood. I know He doesn't attend the meetings anymore and they don't really work the way they're supposed to, but He brought them here. And so what if in 1993 He might have been a lean, eager alderman looking to make a name for Himself. He's not that lean and eager any more. And He's made his name and He's resting on it.

It's was the same thing with the mailer on the Iraq war. Joe is using what's available. He can't rail against the Vietnam war - that's over. But I think with Joe's record (especially on crime) one can see that he's perfect for standing up and saying that we shouldn't defend people who can't defend themselves. And that photo he used of the man weeping on the flag. It was a stock photo! It wasn't a real photo. I wish people would stop saying that he used that man. He wasn't even a real man.

I'm really annoyed today. Joe is going to go buy me a pastry. I need a little something to get through the rest of the day. And the last time we had pastries, we laughed and laughed. I like watching him jiggle.

Clarification

I hear a lot people talking about where the Joe gets His money from. It's all right up front and available for anyone to look at through the State of Illnois Board of Elections website. Here's the link:

http://www.elections.state.il.us/CampaignDisclosure/welcome.aspx

Just click on the candidates tab in the left bar. Then you can search. You can even find out how much Adams, Ginderske and Gordon have raised. It's all very above board as politics should be.

Joe raised $112,000 in the first half of the year! He's amazing! Taking money left and right mostly from developers. Some people don't even live in our ward and yet they support Joe. I wonder how much He's raised since then. They don't have the other files posted yet.

Oh! You can see the list of expenditures too. Joe spends a lot on gas for His car and at Dominicks on food. I wish He'd by more fruit. Office Max and Office Depot eat up a lot of money. And they aren't even in the ward. I think this must be why Joe wants a Staples store at Granville. And He only spent a lousy $50 on my gift:

Target Stores 2201 W. Howard Evanston, IL 60201 $50.00
1/12/2006 Expenditure
Citizens for Joe More gift card for intern party



Jeesh. Like I shop at Target! I go downtown where they have real stores to shop for clothes. It's not like we have anything here but resale shops and Target.

Debate Time!

Yesterday's debate was awesome! I was so impressed by Joe and how He was able to be kind and casual with every day people. Joe really isn't that used to every day people. He usually rubs elbows with much, much, much more important people.

I was a bit upset by Joe always touching Ginderske. I don't understand why He would keep doing that. Unless of course, Joe is worried that Ginderske might win the election. Then He might want to chum up to him. I think I'll ask Joe about this when I go in to the office later. I was very glad when Ginderske made sure that the audience understood he didn't want Joe to touch him.

Overall, I think the debate was an interesting part of the political process. If more people would just show up then we could really have some discourse going on. Unlike what happens on Mr. BrokenHeart's blog. Political discourse is the furthest thing from his mind. It sounds more like a Heineken or two, or three, or twelve is what he really wants. I think Mr. BH was a bit jealous of all the touching that Joe put out. Maybe Mr. BH wants Joe to touch him. Well he can't have Him! He's mine!

I thought Gordon came across a bit stiff until he almost started blubbering talking about his three moms. Puke! A grown man crying in front of people he wants to lead? I would prefer a stronger man running the ward.

As for Ginderske. I did like his eyes - a very pretty blue. I wish Jay Johnson was there!

Adams was very girlie. I wasn't sure if it was because he came from the south or wanted to be a preacher. Either way, too girlie for me.

Joe hasn't put up the debates on his website, so let me do it here:

February 1, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Loyola Park Fieldhouse
1230 W. Greenleaf
Sponsored by Rogers Park Community Council and DevCorp North

February 3, 2007 at 10:00 am
United Church of Rogers Park
1545 W. Morse
Sponsored by Rogers Park Community Action Network (RPCAN)

February 7, 2007 at 6:00 pm
United Church of Rogers Park
1545 W. Morse
Sponsored by ONE/League of Women Voters

February 14, 2007 at 7:30 am
No Exit Cafe
6970 N. Glenwood
Sponsored by Rogers Park BizArts

February 14, 2007 at 10:00 am
Good News Community Church
7649 N. Paulina
Sponsored by Howard Area's Alternative High School and Senior Club

P.S. Mr. BrokenHeart deleted my comments! All I said was that my dad said he seemed like a homophobe.

Forward Motion

Well, my date with Rodney was very educational. Apparently, he and his friend (all bangers) help Joe with his campaign. They will be going door-to-door and passing out literature, driving old people to vote, and generally making their presence felt in the neighborhood. He says that the Disciples are part of the Folk Nation. It sounds so lovely! Like Peter, Paul and Mary or maybe Joan Baez would sing some freedom songs. Joe must be happy to have such wholesome people working to support him.

Also, I need to clear up some confusion about the mailer Joe sent out last week. There is a picture of him at an immunization clinic. He is seated with a woman and child. Just for the record, that is not Joe's child. He does not actually have any black children of his own. The picture is what He calls a 'photo op'. I'm not sure what 'op' means but He was very busy and couldn't explain. He did say that He likes to stage the 'photo op' so that He looks very involved in the community.

But a lot of people have called the office wondering where the immunization clinic is in our neighborhood. But I've been doing some research and all I can find off the City's website about immunization clinics is this:

Uptown Neighborhood Health Center
845 W. Wilson
(312) 742-3227
Fax: (312) 742-3238
Hours of Operation:
Mon, Wed, Fri: 8 a.m.- 4 p.m.
Tue, Thu: 10 a.m.- 6 p.m.
Closed 2nd Wed every month (12 - 4 p.m.)

That's not in my neighborhood. That's probably good. I bet there's a bunch of vagrants and dope fiends that go to the clinics. But I hope that children can still be immunized. It's important. I mean, it's no Foie Gras issue, but children need to be taken care of by adults. Like the ducks, they can't stand up and fight for themselves.

This also may be helpful:
National Immunization Program
Email: nipinfo@cdc.gov
Website: www.cdc.gov/nip/
Provides information about vaccines, including precautions and contraindications for immunization and vaccine shortages.

OR
Mark Amerson
Illinois Dept of Public Health, Immunization Program
525 W. Jefferson St.
Springfield, IL 62761-0001
Phone: 217-785-1455 Fax: 217-524-0967 Mark.amerson@illinois.gov

I met a BOY!!

This morning as I was reading through that scum hellhole blog, the cutest boy in the world walked into the alderman's office. His name is Rodney and he's volunteering his time for Joe's campaign. Apparently Rodney is very religious as he belongs to the Disciples. It must be a religious organization devoted to God, because God has disciples. I will find out more when I have my date with Rodney. He said something about "banger" so maybe he'll take me out to an Irish breakfast.

I'm nearly finished with my duties for today. Off to do some homework and dream of Rodney. We have our first date tomorrow.

Dreaming of Sunnier Days

Today I'm just sitting in the alderman's office answering phones. The blogs are boring today. But the phones are ringing!

You can imagine how many phone calls Joe might get on any given day, but He's really being bombarded by people who want to know what He's going to do about the issues in the ward. Like He hasn't already been working 16 years on these same issues! People are very rude about the issues. They all seem to think the problems we have are Joe's fault. But one man can't create all of the problems that 60,000 people experience. Can He?

If Joe gets re-elected, He's promised me a nice position in His office. He won't say what the position is, but giggles and says that I will like it best if I'm prepared for a 'back entrance'. I don't know what he means! We only have a front door. Sometimes men are so strange.

Phone is ringing. Off to dreams of sunnier days.

The Heat is On.

Yawn! I'm really sick of the bloggers. I wish Joe would just let me do something else. Today Mr. BrokenHeart caught a bad guy breaking in to a building. Very exciting for him since he seems like a big fat bore. But very dry news for me. I don't really care that he caught some bad guys. Joe might but I doubt it.

I really would like to be more helpful to Joe's campaign. He's getting kind of busy these days what with all of these other poser-want-to-be-alderman people getting all sorts of press coverage. I thought Joe looked real neat when He was talking about the CTA on the television. I just wish that Joe would have stuck to the topic. He came across as a bit stupid. I mean, how can you upgrade the system and NOT have downtime? I've been trying to tell Him this for days! But usually He just wants me to sit quietly and read these darn blogs. He says I look pretty in the sunlight.

I'm really starting to believe that Mr. BrokenHeart isn't on Joe's side at all. It seems that he's supporting that Gordon guy. I think Gordon looks like Skeletor or some other scary skeleton character. I wouldn't vote for him based just on how creepy he looks. But I've noticed that Mr. BrokenHeart is all out to get everyone but Gordon. I think that must be who he's supporting.

Okay, back to work. I need to finish up writing the lunch order for Joe and Kevin. Don't tell anyone but they eat Foie Gras on a constant weekly basis. Have you seen Joes' middle? He's got quite the tummy and that isn't from eating fruit.

Bloggers! Bloggers! Bloggers!

Gosh, I had to actually do some homework, so I haven't been volunteering that much this week. So this morning, bright and early, I got up to at least catch up on Mr. BrokenHeart. He is really helping Joe out by attacking all of the other candidates. He's not on Joe's payroll though, I checked. He's just doing it out of the kindness of his broken heart. And he wants to know who I am! Like my mom and dad would let me give my name to a gross old man!

I mean, he may be a polished, professional journalist who is also a detective, but he's still just a gross old man to me.

I've looked at a couple of other blogs to see what people are saying. Here are three more:

www.howardwatchers.blogspot.com
www.rogersparkbench.blogspot.com
www.morosehellhole.blogspot.com

But no one seems to make comments on these blogs. So I'm not going to waste my time there. Also no one really seems to be helping Joe. I help Joe. Mr. BrokenHeart helps Joe.

I've really been thinking about things. I like that becoming involved politics has provoked thought within myself. I could grow up to be president one day. Joe says so. He says I have real talent for the Whitehouse. I think he likes the blue dress that I'm wearing today. Blue is a very political color.

The Day After MLK

I just love a day off! Thank God for Martin Luther King. Mr. King was righteous. I think that's why Joe decided to basically use Mr. King's speech in his last mailer. I thought he was very clever to try and convince people that he's a black social leader.

You know that we have black people in our neighborhood. Joe keeps them here. Along with the other 30% latino and the other 30% white - we are a very diverse neighborhood. Wow. I wonder what the other 10% are? Gay? I think that's right. 10% of the population is gay. Joe isn't gay. He was married but He couldn't do it any longer. Anyways, that's personal stuff.

The bloggers. Here's one:

www.morsehellhole.blogspot.com

WEIRDO! I mean really! Didn't you see Mr. BrokenHeart in Joe's newsletter last week? Mr. BrokenHeart is a Joe supporter but he sure doesn't act like it. Unless of course, you think about how he makes his claim to fame in the neighborhood through his Hellhole blog. And if Joe who makes Morse the way it is, loses the election, then wouldn't Mr. BrokenHeart lose his fun and "power" that he thinks he has. (AS IF!) Still it does make him a good contender for a Joe supporter. I just don't understand why he's not nicer to Joe.

Okay. More when I explore the other Rogers Park bloggers and find out their weaknesses too!

Day Three

So I'm on lunch break right now after another interesting morning in Joe's office. Today we discussed all of the neighborhood bloggers and how much they annoy Joe. I mean, really, these people seem to think that He's corrupt and evil. But have you seen His eyes? Not quite Jay Johnsons but close. Really, He makes my heart go pitter patter and that can't be evil, right?

Joe wants me to start reading all of these blogs and to make sure that a positive voice for Him is heard in the neighborhood. I think this should be an exciting use of my time as these bloggers really run the neighborhood. But I'm going to show them. I'll be Joe's watchdog and voice.

Heck, people may even come here to read what's it like to be an intern to Joe More. He's a man of high principle and I get down on my knees and thank Him for his hard work.

Okay, I'll let you know what blogs I'll be reading soon. I need to go shred some of this papers that might indicate his whole smoke and mirror act (that's the right metaphor, right?) with the Foie Gras issue just really misdirected the neighborhood attention away from lake front preservation, health care and crime. Jeesh, some days it's almost like the commies from the 1950s are alive and well in Rogers Park.

Day Two!

It's only been a half day for me at the alderman's office, but I've learned so much in those few short hours.

For one, I didn't realize just how much our alderman loves these developers. Criminy! After going through those blueprints and the financial contributions, I was really amazed. But then Joe starting about his good friend Jay Johnson, who, according to Joe, is a terrific landlord. I thought he had really nice eyes.

I was reading the latest copy of the Onion. Such a respected newspaper! They just did a retrospective on George W. Bush and though he's a Republican (puke!), I thought the retrospective was very interesting. Perhaps someone could shed the same insight on the last 16 years of Joe's tenure. Too bad the Onion is a national paper and not local. They just might find Joe's history as interesting.

I just wish everyone would stop talking about the darn Foie Gras issue. I mean, we have ducks that land in our lake right here in Rogers Park. Doesn't anyone care about them they way Joe does? I plan on talking with Him tomorrow about this issue. I'd really like to see how we can help the ducks in Rogers Park.

My First Day

Today I woke up and wanted to help change the world. I decided that I would do something in my very own neighborhood. I decided that I would help Joe More get re-elected.

The Aldermanic Election is on February 27. That's only 49 days left!!!! That's our ward number!

Wow. Isn't life really neat when coincendence happen like that?!

It was my job today to go through all of the blueprint plans that are stacked in the alderman's office and make sure that we've received money from each of the developers and architects. It's amazing how these things work.

I came home at 3pm and watched a rerun of Dawson's Creek and dreamed of tomorrow.